England v Australia - as it happened

Preamble Right, the joke's over. I can just about take England being good at Test cricket for a couple of years each decade. I can take them winning a World Twenty20 in swaggering fashion. But to see them play with such cool efficiency in 50-over cricket, in which they have been reliably inept for nearly two decades, is just too much. I want out. If England win at Old Trafford today they will have beaten Australia with two games to spare . This is quite clearly not happening, I am quite clearly starring in a Truman Show-style programme, and I've had enough. England have won the toss and will bowl first. If it ain't broke, don't etcetera it. They are unchanged – if it ain't etc – while Australia bring in the shy, retiring duo of Ryan Harris and Shaun Tait for Clint McKay and Nathan Hauritz. England Strauss (c), Kieswetter (wk), Pietersen, Collingwood, Morgan, Wright, Yardy, Bresnan, Broad, Anderson. Australia Watson, Paine (wk), Ponting (c), Clarke, Hussey, White, Hopes, Smith, Harris, Bollinger, Tait. England have won both matches by very similar margins: four wickets each time, with 24 and 28 balls remaining. That evokes the last time they exhibited such 50-over dominance over Australia: in 1997, when they won all three matches by six wickets , with Adam Hollioake hitting the winning runs each time. We didn't really make the most of him, did we? What Australia need, in spades The battle fever. 1st over: Australia 4-0 (Watson 4, Paine 0) The players come onto the field in glorious Manchester sunshine. Jimmy Anderson's third ball is too short and pulled for four with familiar disdain by the increasingly impressive Shane Watson. Anderson replies with a good yorker that Watson digs out. "Hi Rob, I just want to say that I'm still dwelling on the enjoyment of Scott Styris' 106 of 50 balls in the 20-20 on Friday night," says Daniel Seppings. "Hopefully, the enjoyment of my sporting weekend hasn't peaked already." That was a preposterous innings, even by Twenty20 standards. 2nd over: Australia 9-0 (Watson 4, Paine 4) Tim Bresnan's second ball is a leg-side wide and his fourth, overpitched, is driven charmingly through mid-off for four by Tim Paine. It looks a good, true pitch. 3rd over: Australia 12-0 (Watson 6, Paine 5) Watson, pushing forward defensively, is beaten by a gorgeous lifting leg-cutter from Anderson. There are three singles from the over. 4th over: Australia 16-0 (Watson 10, Paine 5) Watson fresh-airs an almighty pull at Bresnan, who half appeals for caught behind before realising that nobody else has gone up. After five dot balls, Watson tucks one off his hip for four. "Very interesting piece by Vic Marks on the site today about Morgan and the possibility of him becoming a fixture in the Test team and playing in the Ashes, but should he?" says Ben Hendy. "I feel that a young cricketer of his talent should be playing at Test level, added to which he is young and could be a fixture for years to come. I think his temperament is excellent but we'll only find out if he can hack it at that level by playing him. The Aussies will fear him – as would any team – and we should properly blood him now (I don't count the Bangladesh matches as a proper Test, and there were enough failures by other batsmen to say that his performance was passable at the least). The question then comes as to who should go. Logic says to me that he should replace Bell, but there's just something about Trott that doesn't convince me. He failed against SA and a double century against Bangladesh is as meaningless as Morgan's 37 and 44." It's complicated by the fact that a) Pietersen doesn't want to bat No3, b) Collingwood and Morgan can't bat No3 and c) Bell isn't really trusted at No3. Although logic says Morgan should drop out – he was only a stand-in for Collingwood – I wouldn't want to stop and start his Test career at this stage given that there is already enough insecurity surrounding it. So I would keep him in and give the new, improved Bell the No3 spot he craves. It would be extremely harsh on Trott but human considerations should not come into these decisions. 5th over: Australia 16-0 (Watson 10, Paine 5) England are starting to dig in a few short balls, a tactic that was apparently successful in the second match at Cardiff (I was on fitba duty so didn't see it). There is good carry in the pitch, as ever at Old Trafford. Paine makes room to try to slap Anderson over the off side but completely misses. It's an excellent maiden from Anderson, and England have – again – started really well. Who are these impostors? 6th over: Australia 23-0 (Watson 11, Paine 11) Emails please! it's going to be a long day. I can't do this alone. Bresnan's second ball is wided on height. After a very slow start – five from 17 balls – Paine releases the mounting pressure by carting a slightly wide length ball through the covers for four. He goes over the top again next ball and just clears the man running back from mid-off. In the absence of any other emails, Alex Netherton has again sent us his shopping list. Four toothbrushes? And another Jazz Apple Bag I see. But no condoms this time. That didn't take long. 1 x Sainsbury's Ardennes Paté 170g - Total Price GBP 1.18 1 x Sainsbury's Classic Dishwasher Tablets x40 - Total Price GBP 4.07 1 x Johnson's Baby Cotton Buds x100 - Total Price GBP 0.49 1 x Sainsbury's Revive Kitchen Towel 4x56 Sheets - Total Price GBP 2.24 2 x Sainsbury's Satsumas x6 - Total Price GBP 2.50 6 x Sainsbury's Bananas (loose) - Total Price GBP 0.98 1 x Sainsbury's Jazz Apple Bag - Total Price GBP 2.70 1 x Sainsbury's Petits Pois 907g - Total Price GBP 1.61 1 x Silver Spoon Granulated Sugar 1kg - Total Price GBP 0.98 1 x Sainsbury's Light Soft Cheese 200g - Total Price GBP 0.80 1 x Heinz Ravioli In Tomato Sauce 400g - Total Price GBP 0.93 1 x Sainsbury's British Mature Cheddar 400g - Total Price GBP 3.00 1 x Sainsbury's Tuna Steaks in Water, 4 x 200g - Total Price GBP 3.65 2 x Sainsbury's English Butter, Slightly Salted 250g - Total Price GBP 2.20 2 x Sainsbury's Lemons, Basics x4 - Total Price GBP 1.74 3 x Sainsbury's Limes x1 - Total Price GBP 0.90 5 x John West Sardines In Sunflower Oil Skinless & Boneless 95g - Total Price GBP 4.25 1 x Corsodyl Mint 300ml - Total Price GBP 2.78 2 x Sainsbury's Thick Bleach 750ml - Total Price GBP 1.00 2 x Taylors Fairtrade Organic Coffee 227g - Total Price GBP 5.28 1 x De Cecco Penne Rigate 500g - Total Price GBP 1.47 1 x De Cecco Fusilli 500g - Total Price GBP 1.47 1 x Sainsbury's Parmigiano Reggiano 150g - Total Price GBP 2.28 1 x Carrs Water Biscuits 125g - Total Price GBP 0.94 1 x Sainsbury's Dewlay Cream Lancashire, Taste the Difference 240g - Total Price GBP 2.50 1 x Sainsbury's Revive Toilet Tissue, White 12 rolls x240 Sheets - Total Price GBP 5.18 1 x Sainsbury's Family Pack Toothbrushes x 4 - Total Price GBP 0.52 1 x Sainsbury's Double Strength Apple & Blackcurrant Squash, No Added Sugar 1.5L - Total Price GBP 1.49 1 x Sainsbury's Double Strength Orange Squash, No Added Sugar 1.5L - Total Price GBP 1.07 1 x Sainsbury's Onions 1kg - Total Price GBP 1.00 1 x Sainsbury's Wine Vinegar, White Wine 500ml - Total Price GBP 0.79 2 x Sainsbury's Pitta Bread, White x6 - Total Price GBP 0.70 1 x E45 Cream Pump Pack 500g - Total Price GBP 9.40 1 x Sainsbury's British Half Fat Creme Fraiche 300ml - Total Price GBP 0.98 1 x Sainsbury's Black Peppercorns 90g - Total Price GBP 1.36 1 x Saxa Table Salt Drum 750g - Total Price GBP 0.47 7th over: Australia 26-0 (Watson 12, Paine 12) Anderson has a big shout for LBW against Paine, but there was a clear inside-edge and Aleem Dar pours cold water all over England's excitement in that polite manner of his. Three singles from another excellent Anderson over. His figures are so impressive that you could take them home to meet your mama: 4-1-10-0. "You might well, as the photo caption states, love Eoin, but he most certainly does not love you," says Mac Millings. "As you can see, Stalker, he's currently signalling for the plain-clothes policemen to swoop in and and arrest you for what is undoubtedly the least of your crimes. He won't want them to be too harsh with you, but I'd argue that human considerations should not come into these decisions." 8th over: Australia 44-0 (Watson 12, Paine 30) Eighteen from the over! The margin for error is so small against modern batsmen: Bresnan overpitches his first delivery just a fraction and is driven precisely through extra-cover for four by Paine. Two balls later Paine stretches to flash a wide delivery over point for four more. He then takes boundaries from the last two deliveries with a handsome, on-the-walk drive over mid-on and a top-edged hook to fine leg. "Australia might well blame themselves for this," says Rene Kita. "Last year's seven-ODI series was such a grindstone of humiliation that even ODIs-don't-matter England was kicked out their complacency. Um, is it just an onset of dementia or did England beat South Africa in an ODI series right after that? In South Africa? Since nobody has mentioned it since, I must have been eating mouldy bread at the time. I really wish my mind would at least occasionally feed me hallucinations with women in them. And cheers, Rob, for giving us something to ignore football by." We'll not be mentioning that game today. You know where you can follow it. 9th over: Australia 45-0 (Watson 13, Paine 30) The impressive Anderson restores order with another tight over; just one from it. In other news here are two emails, received simultaneously. "I wonder if the lack of condoms on Alex Netherton's shopping list is in anyway related to the purchase of E45 Cream Pump Pack 500g - Total Price GBP 9.40" – Ben King. "£5 to the first person to make the no condoms but tub of handcream joke. You can pay" — Alex Netherton. 10th over: Australia 54-0 (Watson 14, Paine 38) Here comes England's first-change enforcer, Stuart Broad. He has a fabulous ODI record, with 103 wickets at 25.98. He sometimes goes for a few runs but, among Englishmen with 10 or more ODI wickets, nobody has a better strike-rate . Look who's second on that list by the way. I still can't believe he was left out of the 1999 squad. Anyway, Paine swivels smoothly to pull Broad's third ball fine for four and bring up the fifty partnership. The next ball is on the pads and tickled fine to the fence. Paine is flying: he has 38 from 34 balls and 33 from his last 17. 11th over: Australia 55-0 (Watson 15, Paine 38) England take their bowling Powerplay straight away. I hardly need to tell you that anymore, as it happens every time. Anderson continues to bowl with supreme discipline, everything on a length on off stump bar the occasional surprise short ball. One from the over and his figures are now 6-1-12-0. "Netherton's lazy, so I assume he didn't type that list out himself," says Sherlock Millings. "He must, therefore, do his shopping online, and have someone deliver it to his door. Perhaps he makes them stock his fridge in proper order, shelf-by-shelf according to type of item, before commanding them to tend to him with 'Revive' (really? it revives you?) toilet tissue. Fetishist. I suspect that may have something to do with why he no longer needs condoms." 12th over: Australia 69-0 (Watson 28, Paine 39) Luke Wright, who has started this series well with the ball, comes on for Stuart Broad. He'll presumably switch ends. Wright's fifth ball, a slower one, is carted majestically over wide long-on for the first six of the innings, and he completes a very good over for Austraya by fizzing the next delivery through midwicket for four. 13th over: Australia 75-0 (Watson 28, Paine 44) Having switched ends, Broad's first ball is a fine off-cutter that gates the groping Paine and bounces over the top of middle stump. Paine makes room to slap the next ball over point for four with a horizontal bat. "I think Mac Millings has the wrong end of the stick regarding the Morgan photo," says Tom Van der Gucht. "My own interpretation of his body position and startled but slightly bemused facial expression is somewhat different. Morgan is returning from a net session when he hears a grumbled but threatening voice saying 'move and your dead' he slowly turns round whilst raising his hands in surrender only to encounter a wild eyed and tousled haired Smyth advancing purposefully towards him. In Rob's right hand is a Luger, levelled directly at Morgan's head and in his left hand he's tightly clutching a roll of duct tape. Smyth grins menacingly and says 'We're going to be best mates'. Obviously I'm not suggesting any sort of serious assault is on the cards, more likely he's going to get strapped to a chair and forced to listen as Rob reads his Morgan-inspired lyrical poetry, Vogon-style, and make him watch repeats of his favourite batting displays whilst eating endless mountains of Pickled Onion Monster Munch and drinking cans of Relentless." Look, Tom, I know we like to laugh at each other on the OBO, and I'm fine with that, but I don't know where you get off painting me as the type of person who would eat Pickled Onion Monster Munch. I only ever eat Flamin' Hot Monster Munch. WICKET! Australia 75-1 (Paine LBW b Yardy 44) Michael Yardy strikes with his third ball. It skidded on from around the wicket and Paine, missing a whip to leg off the back foot, was absolutely plumb. 14th over: Australia 76-1 (Watson 28, Ponting 1) A great start from Yardy: one run, one wicket. "Revive is the recycled stuff," says Alex Netherton. "I like the rough stuff, Mac." 15th over: Australia 76-1 (Watson 28, Ponting 1) A maiden from Broad to Ponting, so England ended that Powerplay splendidly: there were 21 runs from the first three overs and just one from the last two. Anyway, to put this 2-0 lead into context, here's England's record against Australia in two-team ODI series. The first person to use the phrase "thirteen years of hurt" gets it. 16th over: Australia 77-1 (Watson 29, Ponting 1) Yardy has a strangled shout for LBW against Watson. It was going down. Still, just one from another very good over. "The real reason, of course, that people buy condoms on one shopping trip but not the next, is that they haven't used them up yet," says Mac Millings. "I can tell you plenty of unfunny anecdotes about how I picked up a boat-load of the things, preposterously believing I was about to get very lucky, but ending up predictably rumpo-less. Sorry, one unfunny anecdote - it's taking years ." 17th over: Australia 85-1 (Watson 36, Ponting 2) Graeme Swann replaces Stuart Broad, and Watson classily steers his first two deliveries to third man: the first for two and the second for four. "Not that I want to undermine my own nation's standing, but you might want to add that England also won the last rugby Test (although technically Australia still holds the Cook Cup - gotta love those best of two series)," says Douglas Wilson. "Just quietly, I wonder how many of my countrymen will be barracking for the Germans in a few hours." Ssssh, no mentioning that round here – at least until Germany go 3-0 up and I can no longer contain myself. 18th over: Australia 92-1 (Watson 42, Ponting 3) Ponting is playing himself in very carefully and has three from 16 balls. He's too darn quiet. In fact, he is carrying the same strokeless menace as Imran Khan in the first 30 overs of the 1992 World Cup final. Watson, meanwhile, has had enough of Yardy's parsimony and pulls his last delivery over midwicket for six. WICKET! Australia 92-2 (Ponting st Kieswetter b Swann 3) Told you Ponting looked menacing: he has been stumped off a wide. It prompts me to instinctively shout "Awp, Ponting's gone," only to then realise that nobody else in the office gives a solitary one . He came down the track to Swann but the ball was a bit too straight and way too short and then turned appreciably down the leg side, where Kieswetter did the necessary with the minimum of fuss. That's very good keeping, and England are putting the post-Powerplay squeeze on once again. 19th over: Australia 97-2 (Watson 43, Clarke 3) With Michael Clarke, who was bounced out the other day, will England go back to Stuart Broad? 20th over: Australia 101-2 (Watson 45, Clarke 5) Watson scythes Yardy just short of Luke Wright, diving forward at short third man. "Any chance you might wish my infinitely better half Lou the best of luck in travelling to York today with a mysterious gin-based illness?" says Tom Oxley. "Any advice on antidotes – ideally ones available from Peterborough station – will be hatefully received." I knew we weren't finished with Flamin Hot Monster Munch for the day. With the exception of pints of Comedown Manager, they are the best hangover cure known to man, or woman. 21st over: Australia 108-2 (Watson 50, Clarke 6) England do indeed go back to Stuart Broad, with the man going in at short leg. Quite right too. Clarke showed England a weakness; they pounced . Broad double-bluffs Clarke with a slightly fuller delivery first ball, and it's dragged off the inside-edge to fine leg for a single. Watson then picks a slower ball and scorches it through extra cover for four, and pushes a single to long-on to reach another very good half-century. He looks a formidable player these days, although he has a peculiar habit of getting out in the forties and fifties: seven of his last 12 ODI innings have ended there. Clarke then gets himself in a bit of a mess trying to lap-pull Broad, with the ball hitting him on the wrist. This is a fascinating subplot in view of that Ashes business. 22nd over: Australia 112-2 (Watson 51, Clarke 8) Four from Yardy's over. What is his nickname? It sounds like Kieswetter is calling him 'Moo'. 23rd over: Australia 115-2 (Watson 53, Clarke 9) Clarke done the sensible thing, getting off strike against Broad with a lap-pull for one. Three from the over and England have pulled this back pretty well: Australia have scored only 40 in the last 10 overs. Although you'd still expect them to get 300. 24th over: Australia 116-2 (Watson 54, Clarke 9) Watson cleaves Yardy right back whence he came and into the stumps, which costs him four runs. That's really unfortunate. Yardy keeps Watson quiet for the remainder of the over; his figures are now 6-0-18-1. Erotic. 25th over: Australia 120-2 (Watson 56, Clarke 11) England withdraw Broad and return to Graeme Swann. Four singles from the over. "A habit of getting out in the forties and fifties, Rob?" sniffs Douglas Wilson. "Heavens, he's a master of getting out in the nineties in Tests. By the way, I just want you and your English readers to know that I can't watch the game on TV because Channel 9 is showing a drama about the Sydney underworld instead. Can't imagine why they'd think we'd rather watch a show full of guns and gratuitous nudity rather than another cricket loss. (Australians aren't traumatised by sporting losses, by the way - we just all agree not to speak about them.)" It's a ludicrously underused tactic. I didn't read a single newspaper, or log on to the internet or even teletext for five days after Liverpool won the European Cup in 2005. I almost got away with it. 26th over: Australia 126-2 (Watson 58, Clarke 15) Yardy's top pace is 66mph in this innings, which isn't far short of medium. As Greg Blewett says in the commentary box, there is no time for Clarke to use his feet, as is his wont against the spinners. Six from the over, all in ones and twos. Emails please! WICKET! Australia 130-3 (Watson c Strauss b Swann 61) Watson finally escapes the Fraught Fifties but then falls next ball. He tried to work Swann to leg but loopedt straight to Strauss at square leg. I think a bit of extra bounce may have done for him. 27th over: Australia 130-3 (Clarke 16, White 0) In between overs, Sky showed an advert for 'Michael Jackson's This Is It' and refer to his 'tragic death'. Is the 'tragic' in this phrase tautologous? I can't really decide. Probably not I suppose, Hitler and all that. I've no idea what I'm talking about anymore. 28th over: Australia 135-3 (Clarke 17, White 4) Cameron White gets off the mark with a cracking back-foot force through extra cover for four off the bowling of Yardy. "I think your audience may be on the small side today due to other small distractions. A footy game in a couple of hours and a Grand Prix in under half an hour to name but two – then there is the glorious weather (so I am told)..." says Phil Haran in Tunisia. 29th over: Australia 137-3 (Clarke 18, White 5) Two from Swann's over. "Even if Australia win this game, I don't think it can be denied that they are now utterly rubbish," says Matthew Davies, who should thus carry all the blame if and when Australia win this series 3-2, and indeed their next 741 ODIs. "Michael Yardy is effective, but this is ridiculous. And they've picked a specialist bowler who probably can't physically bowl ten overs, and will never be economical, ever. Harris and White are lone shining stars." 30th over: Australia 141-3 (Clarke 18, White 9) Tim Bresnan replaces Michael Yardy. His first ball is filth: short, wide and clubbed through the covers for four by Cameron White. The next ball finds the edge as White tries to glide it fine, but it drops just short of Kieswetter. That's a good comeback from Bresnan, with five dot balls following that loosener. "Judging by TMS we're bowling pretty well," says Jonny Martin. "Lovely stuff. I really want to read in the paper tomorrow that we chased down 289 thanks to a century of breathtaking and magisterial dominance from Kevin Pietersen." Yep, hold that front page if England go 3-0 against Australia, eh? 31st over: Australia 144-3 (Clarke 20, White 10) Three singles from Swann's over. He is bowling very well. "The weather (28th over) needn't be a distraction," says Sara Torvalds. "I'm on a train on my way to a friend's cottage by the sea, where an antenna attached to a ladder will make it possible to watch the other match on the lawn with the Gulf of Finland as backdrop. On the downside, there's no broadband, but naturally I can and will continue to follow the cricket by mobile (this being Nokia country, coverage is not a problem even in the archipelago). I'm counting on one England victory to celebrate and optimistically hoping for two... That'd be really beautiful!" I realise I'm in a minority, but I genuinely don't understand why anybody would want the England football team to beat opponents who trump them when it comes to talent, teamwork, humility, likeability, metrosexuality, not having John Terry in their team and pretty much all other relevant criteria. 32nd over: Australia 149-3 (Clarke 25, White 10) Clarke gets away with two false shots in that Bresnan over. First he clunked a drive short of mid-off, and then he gloved a lap-pull that looped up and fell safely. Five from the over. "Since you are fighting for peoples attention against the World Cup, Glastonbury and my attention from serving customers in petrol station while dealing with righteous indignation that my employers are destroying the earth.as they ask for fags, why not try your over by over including a music lyric," says Kieran Walsh. "For example, 'he got the whole of the moon with that shot'." It's a nice idea, but I honestly don't think I have the energy, never mind the ability. 33rd over: Australia 152-3 (Clarke 27, White 11) Good stuff being Swann and Clarke, both striving to attack the other: Swann with his flight, Clarke with his disco-dancing feet. Three from the over. "The small audience may also owe to the fact that Rob's not come up with a decent riff for us today," says Jenya Romanski, erroneously suggesting that my failure to come up with a decent riff is an un usual occurrence. "No alcohol, no superheroes. I've succumbed to reading Dear Mariella and baking cornbread." It could be worse. Four years ago we were OBOing during the World Cup with equally few emails – and with England being spanked 5-0 by Sri Lanka. 34th over: Australia 154-3 (Clarke 28, White 12) With the ball gripping a bit, Paul Collingwood comes on for a rare bowl. He goes straight into cutters mode – " the Basil Barwicks !" says Nasser Hussain in the Sky box – and Clarke very nearly drags the first one onto the stumps. Just two from the over and it's time for the mandatory ball change. "Greetings from Mainz-am-Rhein," says Terry Dillon. "Word on the street here is that England's over-confidence will be their undoing. Have they never seen the boy Morgan bat?! Are you on duty throughout?" I'm afraid so. WICKET! Australia 154-4 (White c Strauss b Swann 12) The new ball brings a wicket. White sweeps Swann's first ball flat and hard, and the crouching Strauss at square leg takes a really sharp two-handed catch by his left ankle. Top stuff. 35th over: Australia 154-4 (Clarke 28, M Hussey 0) Swann so nearly hurries his first ball right through Hussey, who just manages to get an inside-edge at the last minute. The second ball brings a big shout for LBW when Hussey pads up to an arm ball, but it was missing off. Lovely stuff from Swann, a wicket maiden, and his figures are 8-1-29-3. Bloody hell he's good. "Yardy's beard is adding weight and gravitas to the England cricket team – victory appears certain," says Keith Flett. "The big issue now is whether Wayne Rooney will do the same for the England football team shortly or whether he will have made the major strategic error of shaving." 36th over: Australia 158-4 (Clarke 30, M Hussey 2) Four singles from Collingwood's over, as Bumble goes off on one about Glastonbury: 'if you saw K Minogue on the scorecard, what would you think? What about R Harris...'. 37th over: Australia 163-4 (Clarke 30, M Hussey 7) Hussey has had enough of playing nice against Swann and slog-sweeps his third ball handsomely over midwicket for a one-bounce four. "As I'm living in Australia this year I'm interested in watching the Ashes but I'm not sure how I should apply for tickets as a UK resident," says Danny Legg. "Should I contact Cricket Austraila with my current address, or try the ECB? Even though I'm here I could have tickets forwarded as I want to be seated with the English fans." Anyone? I don't know about buying tickets, as they rarely allow me out of the leather mask, never mind the building. 38th over: Australia 167-4 (Clarke 32, M Hussey 9) Collingwood has a huge solo shout for LBW appeal Hussey. He was outside the line. He survives for the same reason later in the over, when he misses a lap to bring a big appeal from all the England team. Four from the over as England continue to put the squeeze on: from the last 25 overs Australia have scored 82 runs for the loss of four wickets. That's extremely good cricket from England. "Nice to see Swanny among the wickets again," says John Starbuck. "After a couple of these matches with a zero in the right-hand column he might have been getting a bit worried, what with these barely-spinning spinners about the place. Still, it does show that England really do value the thinking bowler." He's just streets ahead of every other spinner in the country. Our best since Underwood? You could make a pretty strong case. WICKET! Australia 169-5 (Clarke c sub b Swann 33) Graeme Swann takes his fourth wicket in his final over. Swann beat the dancing Clarke in the flight, and he could only chip it straight to the substitute Ian Bell at long off. That is wonderful bowling from Swann against one of the world's very best players of spin. 39th over: Australia 170-5 (M Hussey 11, Smith 0) That's the end of a spell of seriously high class from Graeme Swann, whose figures are 10-1-37-4. Marvellous stuff. "There's not enough jingoism on this page," says Dan Smith. "Please sort it out. Thanks." 40th over: Australia 182-5 (M Hussey 20, Smith 1) Yardy comes on to bowl his last two overs. Hussey reverse-sweeps him for four, prompting an audible cry of "effing hell", and then cuts the next ball for four more. "I think I'd swap standing outside the toilet on the rammed coach F heading to York for a job in a petrol station right now," says Tom Oxley. "But your OBO is giving me some emotional oxygen as assorted weirdos brush inelegantly past me. Lady Lou of Hangover Towers has refused jelly beans, a tuna sarnie and crisps. But she did manage a discreet nod when I asked if she was alive. You're not the only one going mad, promise." WICKET! Australia 183-6 (M Hussey b Collingwood 21) England continue to write their own scripts, taking the big wicket of Michael Hussey just as he was starting to look dangerous. Hussey played for cut off the pitch but the ball went straight on and rattled into the stumps via a very slight inside edge. 41st over: Australia 186-6 (Smith 5, Hopes 1) "Tell Kieran Walsh he can get his revenge later on by refusing to provide members of the public with any score other than the cricket one," says Jessie Greengrass. "If they ask him about football he can look at them blankly, possibly with a little squint, then shake his head and roll his eyes as if to suggest that they are talking sad, sad gibberish. This is my plan. It'll be a small revenge but a sweet one." 42nd over: Australia 190-6 (Smith 7, Hopes 3) Four singles from Yardy's final over, so he ends another good spell with figures of 10-0-45-1. "Tickets for the Ashes go on general sale on the following dates," says Phil White. "20 July - Matches in Queensland and South Australia, 21 July - Matches in New South Wales and Tasmania and 22 July - Matches in Western Australia and Victoria. As for seating arrangements, the Barmy Army are gonna release details on the forum on their website within a week as to where their allocation is for each ground. Hope this helps. Incredibly the series starts in just 150 days!" I'm disgustingly excited already. The Ashes! 43rd over: Australia 197-6 (Smith 13, Hopes 4) Smith clouts Collingwood's first ball over midwicket for four. Three more singles make it a decent over for Australia in isolation, but they need so much more if they are to set a challenging target. "Parking your better half outside a train toilet and offering them a tuna sandwich when they've got a raging hangover?" says Phil Sawyer. "I think Tom Oxley is lucky that his better half is too weak with hangover to raise a fist, otherwise I fear by now he'd be a bloody smear on the rail tracks somewhere outside York." WICKET! Australia 202-7 (Hopes b Anderson 7) Australia take their batting Powerplay, England turn to James Anderson, and he strikes with the final ball of a fine over. It was a slower short ball, slightly wide of off stump, and Hopes dragged an attempted pull back onto the stumps. 44th over: Australia 202-7 (Smith 15, Harris 0) I don't know how to break this to you, but England are playing some seriously good 50-over cricket right now. WICKET! Australa 207-8 (Harris c Strauss b Broad 1) Another one gone. Stuart Broad's bouncer hurries on to Ryan Harris, whose pull stroke loops gently to midwicket. 44th over: Australia 207-8 (Smith 19, Bollinger 0) "I've got very fond memories of the Barmy Army in Australia," lies Douglas Wilson. "For example, the day at the SCG when they chanted ''Aussies take it up the arse' for a mere hour and a half. By the way, it was the magical day the Waugh twins put on a double century stand and Darren Gough took a hat-trick in the evening ." Everyone remembers that match: it was Warren Hegg's last Test . WICKET! Australia 211-9 (Smith LBW b Anderson 19) Smith goes across his stumps to sweep a very full delivery from Anderson and is hit on the heel of his back foot. Anderson was the only man to go up for LBW, but Ian Gould gave it and I reckon that's a good, brave decision. Saying which, Hawkeye shows it was missing leg stump. But you can see why he gave it. WICKET! Australia 212 all out (Bollinger LBW b Anderson 3) "This'll be fun," says Bumble in the Sky box. "Nos 10-11, they don't look like they're the Brains Trust..." Right on cue, Bollinger misses a swipe at a fine yorker from Anderson, and England have bowled Australia out with 24 balls to spare. Anderson ends with figures of 8-1-22-3. Superb stuff, and England need 213 to win the series with two games to spare. It should be a doddle. Should. The biggest compliment you can play England is that they've got Australia playing the sort of 50-over cricket that England normally play. See you in half an hour. INNINGS BREAK Suggested riff from Dan Smith that is so bad it goes past good, back to bad and then shimmies back to good once more Riff idea. Glastonbury acts that ought to be involved in the cricket. I'll kick off with Florence and the Bowling Machine. (Hopefully, would also prevent her from defecating 'You've Got The Love' into my ears for just a few moments). Innings-break chit-chat "People may moan about Sky's cricket commentary, coverage and the fact Tests aren't on terrestrial (and I regularly do) but I do love their coverage of the village clubs. Something I never remember from the Beeb or C4" – Andy Bradshaw. "I'm English, a UK resident, 27th June 2010 Germany football fan, and cricket-lover living in Melbourne. Tell Danny Legg to join Cricket Australia. I got priority tickets for last year's Boxing Day Test and don't expect anything different this year for the Ashes. It may also pay for him to join the association of the state he's residing in, if only to receive the terrific monthly emails that include details on all of the local competitions" – Neill Brown. "Excellent suggestion to annoy the petrol loving public. Only problem having no bullet proof glass and having been threatened for not giving fags to someone who has never seen top of the pops. I think I ll give them what they want. ING-ger-land" – Kieran Walsh. "Thanks for the YouTube link of Darren Gough's hat-trick . That's me and my Australian friends in the background, taking it up the arse somewhere near the Barmy Army" - Douglas Wilson. "Fair point re: the toilet parking. I feel I've retrieved my earlier sins by bundling 'the miss' into a seat (no, not in the toilet) with a bottle of the black doctor and my ipod. I remain by the thunderbox, in which a German lady currently resides. Happy now?" – Thomas Oxley. "Why Rob, why are we doing this? Haven't England realised that Australia are doing this deliberately, lulling us into a false sense of confidence while winding themselves up for the winter? Surely this series should have been a contest in one-downsmanship as the loser will have so much to prove in the Test series and be more up for it. And instead of being modest we're just goading them and making them really really want to win. Arggh, even when we're winning the Aussies are still giving us a good thumping, they're beating us at losing." – Robin Hazlehurst. "Rob, I stayed up until 3.55am watching Nadal last night. I have to be up at 6 am for work tomorrow but there is OBO and the England match is on TV here in Australia at Midnight. I can't cope. I want England to win the cricket, the football but I need sleep. Oh the Humanity!" – Kate. "Rob, re: the caption. If I recall correctly, that is exactly my celebration. Fist pump and everything. Uncanny" – Mac Millings. "Can any of your readers tell me if there's anywhere in Berlin I can go to watch the rest of this match, preferably with a large glass of gin? Failing that, I guess my best option is to stay at home with TMS and the OBO, with a large glass of gin. But if anyone can recommend a pub in the time it takes me to make and eat breakfast, I'll be keen to see the second innings" – Josh Robinson. It'll be Shaun Tait , playing his first ODI for 17 months , to open the bowling. I love watching Shaun Tait; the experience is just a massive testosterone hit. WICKET! England 1-1 (Kieswetter b Tait 0 What a storming start from Shaun Tait! Craig Kieswetter goes first ball, cleaned up by a stunning full-length outswinger yorker as he whipped to leg off the back foot. It was fractionally short of yorker length, but it was still a fabulous delivery. That's what Shaun Tait is in the side to do. 1st over: England 1-1 (Strauss 1, Pietersen 0) Here's Kevin Pietersen, on his 30th birthday. "You boys better enjoy this dibbly-dobbly 50-over stuff, the Ashes will be a different kettle of fish," says Johan Mostert. "That's not to say that we are not worried, your team is starting to hum nicely. Not since Gatting's team of 86-87 have you beaten us at home but I am expecting it will be close this time without Gilly and Warne. I shall be booking annual leave for the entire Perth Test. Enjoy!" 2nd over: England 4-1 (Strauss 4, Pietersen 0) Bollinger has a big shout for LBW against Strauss first ball, but it was going down, although not by much. Strauss then misses an attempted pull. Australia look pretty fired up. Of course they do. Strauss drives through extra cover for three. "Thom Yorker and Jonny Greenwood" riffs Richard Norris. 3rd over: England 7-1 (Strauss 5, Pietersen 1) Pietersen digs out a good yorker from Tait, who has got the battle fever well and truly on. Pietersen whips a single to leg to get off the mark. "Is Bat For Ashes playing?" says Rod Hunt. "How about; no, i can't bring myself to go any further." 4th over: England 7-1 (Strauss 5, Pietersen 1) Bollinger has a strangled shout against Pietersen, with the ball pitching outside leg. Australia have started very well, and England are consequently in defensive mode. A maiden. In other news, Mac Millings has been busy. I think this is the most magnificently naff email I've ever received. Glastonbury (Pyramid Stage) Eng v. Aus Cricketers All-Time XI Chris "Slash" Tavare The Lightning Seeds-ney Barnes Faithless Ames The Hon. F.S. Jackson Browne Guy the Gorillaz Corinne "Barnacle" Bailey Rae Jack Russell Johnson Brad "Snoop" Hogg Merv Muse Stevie Wonder Harmison (seems oddly appropriate. As does Seasick Steve Harmison). Simon "Norah" Jones (wildly popular for a short period of time. Barely heard of since) The bar, I'm sure you'll agree, has been well and truly lowered. Right, for the next two hours there will be no OBO I'm afraid, because I am going to swing my flip-flopped foot onto a desk and rattle through a four-pack of Beck's. I'm sure you understand. 5th over: England 12-1 (Strauss 10, Pietersen 1) Just kidding, obviously. Not even I'm that unprofessional. And I certainly wouldn't pass up an opportunity to watch the magnificent specimen that is Ryan Harris bowl. He replaces Shaun Tait and beats Strauss with his first delivery, a very good lifter. Strauss responds with an emphatic cover-driven four next ball. "The Strokes were playing pretty poorly for Australia today," says John Starbuck. "I can't be the only person to suggest that one though; so, how many OBOers have done? This series: I note that neither side are playing their full set of bowlers, with England holding back Finn and Shahzad, who are obviously going to be tried as part of a New Fast Bowling Quartet against Pakistan in the Tests. Austalia's regulars all seem to be crook." 6th over: England 12-1 (Strauss 10, Pietersen 1) Bollinger gets one to lift sharply and ram into the glove of Strauss's bottom hand. It's another maiden. "Leg-Breakestra ?" says Paul Ilechko. The Lightning-quick Seeds ? In-the-Field Music ? Graeme Swann's Here we go (again) magic?" Leg-Breakestra? Eh? I'm being really dumb here aren't I. 7th over: England 22-1 (Strauss 15, Pietersen 6) Strauss gets a much needed boundary, flashing a wide delivery from Harris past backward point. Pietersen then ends the over with a regal drive through mid-on for four more. Meanwhile, here's Sam Parish with a few more suggestions. The third last one is wonderfully bad. Electric SIX Gang of FOUR DUCK Buttons Shacka SEAMERS and Plyers RadioHEADINGLEY MCGmt The Michael Holdingsteady And finally, The EDGE from U2. 8th over: England 24-1 (Strauss 16, Pietersen 7) Bollinger has another strangeld shout for LBW. It was going over the top. Two from the over. Australia were 44 for none at this stage, but England won't give a solitary one about that. "It's 7.00am and 89 degrees already in Vegas and I'm watching the England game on a Spanish HD channel with a commentator who sounds uncannily like Paul Whitehouse," says poor old Gary Naylor. "The question is, if we can beat Germany and Australia today, is there a better moment for an Englishman to pile the chips on to the table – naturally on the number of the decisive goalscorer? Thinking about it like that, this just isn't going to happen is it?" 9th over: England 36-1 (Strauss 16, Pietersen 19) Pietersen helps himself to consecutive boundaries off Ryan Harris with a classy swivel-pull and another princely on-drive. Harris's response is to nail Pietersen in the netherlands. Pietersen collapses to the turf, to widespread amusement. When play resumes he gets his third boundary of the over, walking across his stumps to deliberately flick a short one past the man at short fine leg. "Happy birthday!" chuckles Bumble in the commentary box. "Neil Carter The Unstoppable Six Machine" says Andy Bradshaw. 10th over: England 37-1 (target: 213; Strauss 17, Pietersen 19) England are taking their time, not least because Bollinger is bowling very well. Just one from that over, and his figures are 5-2-6-0. You know the football score, right? Sod that lot, they only let you down. Stick with me, and Eoin, and you'll go far. Emails please! 11th over: England 48-1 (target: 213; Strauss 23, Pietersen 24) Ricky Ponting plagiarises Andrew Strauss's captaincy by taking the bowling Powerplay immediately. James Hopes comes on, and Strauss cross-bats him contemptuously back over his head for four. Pietersen follows suits off the final delivery, driving emphatically over mid-off for four to make it 11 from the over. For now at least, England are cruising."How about Girls All Out?" says Jenya Romanski. 12th over: England 51-1 (target: 213; Strauss 25, Pietersen 25) Here's an interesting move: Ricky Ponting has turned to the left-arm spin of Michael Clarke, even though we're in a Powerplay. He has an extremely good shout for LBW first ball against Strauss, whipping around his front pad. I can't see a lot wrong with that, but Ian Gould says no. I reckon Gould thought Strauss got outside the line, but he didn't. Australia are very unlucky there. "What a joy for me – I love England in cricket and despise them in football," says Antonio Gramsci. "Today could be quite nice for me! Watching an ascendant English/South African side destroy the arrogant Aussies, and watching the Huns destroy the arrogant Limeys. Dichotomy? I can't even spell that word." WICKET! England 52-2 (Pietersen ct and b Tait 25) Shaun Tait muscles his way back into the attack, with Australia needing a wicket or three. And there's the first one. Pietersen checks a drive and the ball flies back at Tait, who takes a really sharp two-handed catch above his right shoulder. 13th over: England 54-2 (target: 213; Strauss 26, Collingwood 1) I doubt Collingwood will fancy Tait's pace. "This is an e-mail, not a good e-mail, but an e-mail nontheless," says Neil Mackie. "And yes, I do know the football score. Lol. The quicker that shower can get out of the media limelight, the better. Has anyone of them had to graft as hard as Collingwood or Swann, or to wait for their chance and then take it, rather than assuming its an agent given right? You wouldn't believe it around here in Liverpool where most football fans are vociferous in their non-support of England at any other time of the World Cup. But now? You get 'the stare' and 'the snarl' when you openly state you had money on England not winning a game in the world cup (odds of 13-1) or getting beat by the USA (7-1). But it's the summer, it's cricket season and no one seems to care about a successful and modest side." 14th over: England 67-2 (target: 213; Strauss 32, Collingwood 8) That's a superb stroke from Collingwood, who walks down the track and drives Clarke over long-on for six. Strauss completes an extremely good over for England – 13 from it – with a trademark cut for four. He plays that shot in his sleep. "So that's an England/South Africa cricket team?" says Gary Naylor. "And the two scorers for Germany are...?" 15th over: England 69-2 (target: 213; Strauss 32, Collingwood 8) Collingwood does the sensible thing against Tait, defending solidly. With such a low target England can afford to just try to see him off. Two leg-side wides are the only runs from the over. He is bowling with furious pace. "The Flaming Slips?" offers Dan Smith. 16th over: England 72-2 (target: 213; Strauss 34, Collingwood 9) James Hopes comes on for Michael Clarke, having been mangled in his only over so far. There's no need for England to go after him now that we are not in a Powerplay, and there are just threesingles in that over. "Does the omnipresent Gary Naylor disagree that the current English XI are a combination of English, Irish, and South African cricketers?" says Antonio Gramsci. "I play here in New Orleans and my SA mate Benjy is quick to point out that South Africa won the Ashes last year." 17th over: England 74-2 (target: 213; Strauss 35, Collingwood 10) Tait is dealing in two-over spells and takes another breather, which means the return of Ryan Harris. Two singles from the over. "Umpire Weekend?" offers John Alsop. 18th over: England 78-2 (target: 213; Strauss 36, Collingwood 13) Collingwood reaches for a wide delivery from Hopes and hammers it through the covers for two. England are playing frill-free, risk-free cricket, which is the right approach in the circumstances. They need a further 135 from 32 overs. "So it seems to be a day for historical sporting errors to be paid back," says James Wrout. "Any chance Tait could oblige by bowling at second slip?" 19th over: England 82-2 (target: 213; Strauss 37, Collingwood 16) Four from Harris's over. The boring middle overs have come early. "Howzat The Drive-In?" says Dan Smith. 20th over: England 85-2 (target: 213; Strauss 38, Collingwood 18) The young legspinner Steven Smith is coming on to replace James Hopes. Strauss bottom-edges an attempted sweep but gets away with it, the ball flying back into his body rather than the stumps. Three singles from the over. "So, 'the current English XI are a combination of English, Irish, and South African cricketers'?" says Gary Naylor. "Just the current XI? They are England players - England have not often been represented by solely English players. Good Luck to Morgan, KP et al and Podolski and Klose. And the young lad Usman Khawaja coming through for Australia." 21st over: England 92-2 (target: 213; Strauss 40, Collingwood 23) James Hopes has switched ends and will replace Ryan Harris. Collingwood chips him splendidly over midwicket for four, that familiar bottom-handed stroke. England are well on top at the moment. "Picture caption," says Lee Rodwell. "Yardy not like Aussies! Yardy... Angry!! YARDY SMASH!!!" 22nd over: England 99-2 (target: 213; Strauss 45, Collingwood 25) Strauss slashes a cut off Smith to third man for four. England need 114 from 28 overs. Should. "One advantage of the Other Game Going On Of Which We Do Not Speak is that it's at least given me an excuse to get a sharpener or two down early doors," says Phil Sawyer. "Also as soon as I moved back to the PC and switched TMS back on the pampered millionaires started playing half decent, so you're stuck with me and my increasingly erratic Temporary Sports Enhancer influenced thoughts now, Smyth." Yes, all well and good, but where's this advantage you promised me in the first sentence? 23rd over: England 105-2 (target: 213; Strauss 48, Collingwood 28) Michael Clarke is back into the attack, and Collingwood drives his first ball for a single to bring up the hundred. Then he drives the fifth ball for another single to bring up a mature fifty partnership. In other news, here are some more cricket bands from John Starbuck. For the Barmy Army, Phenomenal Handclap Band. For stattos everywhere, The Magic Numbers. For the tail, Frightened Rabbit. For everyone when we're winning, Field Music.. 24th over: England 110-2 (target: 213; Strauss 50, Collingwood 31) Steven Smith has half a shout for LBW against Strauss, who was well outside the line. Later in the over Strauss pushes a single to reach a very solid half-century, from 68 balls and with four. Well played. What little doubt there was about his place in the 50-over side has surely disappeared. 26th over: England 112-2 (target: 213; Strauss 50, Collingwood 32) I'm afraid I've missed an over while laughing my head off. Anyway, we're up to speed now. "Frankie Bowls To Collingwood?" offers Phil Sawyer. "Or, considering England's performances in the short form recently, how about KP and the Sunshine Band?" 27th over: England 118-2 (target: 213; Strauss 56, Collingwood 33) Tait is back for his third spell with one simple mission: to take more wickets. I'm afraid I missed his over because I was laughing my head off, but I'm pretty sure nothing of note happened. 28th over: England 122-2 (target: 213; Strauss 58, Collingwood 35) Isn't sport great? Really life-affirming sometimes. England are cruising towards a series win over Australia, and all is well with the world. Smith continues to wheel away in aesthetically appealing fashion, but it's hard yakka because England don't need to take any risks against him. Four singles from the over. "I would have proposed The New Pornographers for the stats folk," says Jenya Romanski, "but hey, what do I know about life?" 29th over: England 123-2 (target: 213; Strauss 58, Collingwood 35) Strauss shapes to hook a bouncer from Tait and thinks better of it as the ball starts to roar off the pitch. That was a snorter. Just one from the over, and England need 90 from 21 overs. 30th over: England 128-2 (target: 213; Strauss 58, Collingwood 40) Collingwood gives Smith the charge and drags him through midwicket for a couple. A premeditated lap brings to more. "I wish you wouldn't say things like 'England are cruising towards a series win over Australia'," says Jessie Greengrass. "It gives me the same nagging sense of unease and looming disaster as one gets in those dreams where you realise half was through you've forgotten to put your trousers on." WICKET! England 128-3 (Collingwood b Bollinger 40) This may be the last throw for Australia. Doug Bollinger, who bowled a fine opening spell, comes back into the attack – and he strikes first ball. Collingwood pushed defensively with a crooked bat at a ball slanted across him, and it flew back onto the stumps off the inside edge. 31st over: England 130-3 (target: 213; Strauss 59, Morgan 1) Hello? Helloooooooooooooooo? 32nd over: England 134-3 (target: 213; Strauss 62, Morgan 2) Ryan Harris is on for Steven Smith, so Australia are going for it now, as they must. Two quick wickets here would make things extremely interesting. Strauss continues to play with lovely common sense: he takes a two and a single, and Morgan also takes a single. England need 79 from 108 balls to win the series. Should. "Bollinger Bald Power at Old Trafford," says Keith Flett. "Meanwhile the campaign to make Neasden FC's Ron Knee England manager is gathering pace." 33rd over: England 137-3 (target: 213; Strauss 64, Morgan 3) Three from Bollinger's over. Nothing is really happening, but for England's that a good thing. Strauss is keeping things ticking over with ones and twos while Morgan plays himself in."People keep complaining about England's imported contingent, but Finland is way ahead of you," says Rene Kita. "There is not a single native Finn in our national cricket team. We have outsourced the whole shebang from the start. Maybe it's just my recent weight gain speaking, but Samit Patel has been looking very good in that hit and giggle contest: 12 at 19.91 and 307 runs, SR 138 in 11 innings. Of course, since there is barely any four-day cricket before the Ashes, he won't get a chance to make the case for us chubby guys, right?" Correct. 34th over: England 143-3 (target: 213; Strauss 69, Morgan 4) Harris looks a shadow of the bowler who was so impressive in the first match, and a lolloping short ball is pulled witheringly for four by Strauss. England need 70 from 16. "After the ignominy of the defeat suffered by the pig-sack kickers, one can only thank the heavens that Straussy's gladiators have finally figured out how to beat the Aussies at one-day cricket," says Daniel Brown. "I for one would have been waking up in a gutter in some kind of state of suicidal self-pity had Eoin Morgan not decided to cross the border..." 35th over: England 149-3 (target: 213; Strauss 74, Morgan 5) We've had a drinks break, and the mandatory ball change. Bollinger digs the new one in and Strauss, who is playing immaculately, pulls four more. 36th over: England 159-3 (target: 213; Strauss 77, Morgan 12) Ricky Ponting waves the white flag or, if you prefer the conventional description, brings James Hopes on to bowl. Morgan, hitherto strokeless, simply walks down the pitch and lifts him back over his head for a mighty six. That is a remarkable stroke. "Is Champagne Supernova about the sudden mysterious explosion of hair on Bollinger's head?" says Phil Sawyer. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 37th over: England 164-3 (target: 213; Strauss 79, Morgan 15) Awp, here comes Shaun Tait for the fourth of his two-over stints. What a remarkable thing, a fast bowler who can only bowl two-over spells. Five from the over, none in boundaries. That's excellent cricket; there's no point playing big shots against Tait at this stage. "I am mainly sending a message to see if I can get noticed (like the fat kid at the school dance when everyone else has left...to watch the football team lose)," says James O'Neill. "Other concern, could this Australian side beat any other major one day nation on current form? Are we good or are they just rubbish? Thoughts?" England look a very good side. Don't dismiss this Australian team. I know they are without a few bowlers, but they are top off the ICC table and had won 21 of their last 25 ODIs going into this series. If England win today, the next test is to win games with similar authority when batting first. 38th over: England 169-3 (target: 213; Strauss 80, Morgan 19) Morgan plays an utterly ludicrous shot off Hopes, charging outside off stump and scooping the ball over the wicketkeeper's right shoulder. Paine ducked as it flew past him for four. Incredible stuff. 39th over: England 173-3 (target: 213; Strauss 81, Morgan 20) Tait accidentally bowls a beamer at Strauss; it was wide of off stump so there was no danger to Strauss. " This song's for you " says Evan Maloney. 40th over: England 177-3 (target: 213; Strauss 83, Morgan 22) Steve Smith replaces James Hopes, who in this series has looked a long way short of international standard. Strauss and Morgan content themselves with singles, chalking three more off the target. England need 36 from 60 balls. 41st over: England 184-3 (target: 213; Strauss 85, Morgan 27) Back comes Ryan Harris, who has bowled poorly today. He doesn't look fit. After a few singles, Morgan again demonstrates his devastating placement, driving wide of the cover sweeper for four. We talk a lot about his timing and range of strokes, and rightly so, but his placement is unbelievably good. WICKET! England 185-4 (Morgan c Ponting b Smith 27) Eoin Morgan's perky innings comes to a tame end when he toe ends a sweep straight to short midwicket. 42nd over: England 187-4 (target: 213; Strauss 86, Yardy 1) Michael Yardy, rather than Luke Wright, is the new batsman. England need 26 from 48 balls. WICKET! England 189-5 (Strauss c Paine b Harris 87) Strauss edges a drive at Harris low to Tim Paine. He played splendidly, and selflessly gave up his wicket so that England could homage 1997 and make it three four-wicket victories in a row. 43rd over: England 189-5 (target: 213; Yardy 2, Wright 0) WICKET! England 190-6 (Wright c Hopes b Smith 0) Wright gives Smith the charge and holes out to long off. That's dunderheaded batsmanship. Shaun Tait still has two overs left you know... 44th over: England 194-6 (target: 213; Yardy 7, Bresnan 0) Yardy walks miles across his stumps and tickles Smith very fine for four. "I'm as happy as anyone to sit on my posterior and ogle Mr Wright, but I doubt he's here for long," wrote a prescient Jenya Romanski, 0.0000002 seconds before his dismissal. WICKET! England 197-7 (Yardy c Paine b Tait 8) Here comes Shaun Tait for his final two-over spell. His first ball is a grisly lifter that Bresnan can only fence in the air, and it falls fractionally short of the diving Clarke at backward point. But Tait gets a wicket four balls later when Yardy stretches to reach a very wide half-volley and bottom-edges it to Paine. More brainless batting, as they just need to see off Tait. He has seven balls remaining, and England need 16 runs to win the series. 45th over: England 198-7 (target: 213; Bresnan 1, Swann 0) Swann is gated by a peach of an inswinger that misses off stump and goes through Paine for a bye. "You do realise, Smyth, that if England lose it from here historians will talk about your comment in over 28 for years to come in the same way that they'll be talking about a group of useless overpaid prats trying to blame their abject result on a ball that sneaked over the line but wasn't given?" says Phil Sawyer. 46th over: England 202-7 (target: 213; Bresnan 3, Swann 1) England take the batting Powerplay by default, and in the Sky box Sir Ian Botham makes the entirely valid point that they should have taken it a lot earlier. Doug Bollinger comes back into the attack, and his first ball is a no-ball because Australia had an extra fielder outside the circle. Schoolboy error. Bresnan is beaten, fencing at a good one bowled from around the wicket. Then there's a massive appeal for LBW against Swann from a very good yorker. It hit him flush on the sole of the boot – "better first touch than some of our footballers" chuckles Beefy – but he was definitely outside the line. 47th over: England 203-7 (target: 213; Bresnan 3, Swann 2) England survive Shaun Tait's final over, just about. Swann is beaten on the inside again by a reverse inswinger and then survives a huge shout for a gloved catch to Paine. It hit him on the shoulder, but it might just have brushed the glove on the way through. I don't think it did. Tait ends with figures of three from 29 after five separate spells of primal brilliance. England need ten runs from 18 balls. "Oh for the love of Bob!" says Jenya Romanski. "No trousers, indeed." WICKET! England 203-8 (Swann b Bollinger 2) England are in trouble now. Swann is bowled by a jaffa: from around the wicket, it pitched off and hit the top of off. Sensational. Wasim Akram would have been proud of that delivery. WICKET! England 203-9 (Broad b Bollinger 0) Sensational cricket from Doug Bollinger! He beat Broad with his first, second and fourth deliveries and then, with his fifth, cleaned him up with a magnificent reverse-swinging yorker. That's preposterously good bowling. 48th over: England 203-9 (need 10 from 12 balls; Bresnan 3, Anderson 0) Bolinger ends with a double-wicket maiden and the fabulous figures of 10-3-20-3. "Are the cricketers trying to make the footballers feel better about themselves?" says Jonathan Haskoll. 48.1 overs: England 205-9 (need 8 from 11 balls; Bresnan 5, Anderson 0) Ryan Harris will now bowl his last over, or at least one ball of it. Let's go ball by ball. Bresnan mows him into the leg side for two. 48.2 overs: England 205-9 (need 8 from 10 balls; Bresnan 5, Anderson 0) A dot ball, driven to mid-off. Bresnan is the key here, obviously. 48.3 overs: England 205-9 (need 8 from 9 balls; Bresnan 5, Anderson 0) Bresnan drives a low full-toss straight back at Harris. 48.4 overs: England 205-9 (need 8 from 8 balls; Bresnan 5, Anderson 0) Another dot ball, screwed into the off side. Bresnan needs a single here. 48.5 overs: England 209-9 (need 4 from 7 balls; Bresnan 9, Anderson 0) Great shot from Bresnan, who slaps Harris over extra-cover for four. 49 overs: England 209-9 (need 3 from 6 balls; Bresnan 10, Anderson 0) Bresnan drives to mid-off to get the single and keep the strike. That's brilliant play. ENGLAND WIN BY ONE WICKET AND WIN THE SERIES Well played Tim Bresnan. He slashes the first ball of the final over, from James Hopes, for four to give England an unassailble 3-0 lead. They almost made an almighty bollocks of it, collapsing from 185 for three to 203 for nine, but Bresnan showed admirable mental strength as the rest fell around him. That's one of the better 14 not outs you'll see. So England have won the series, ridiculously, with two games to spare. Thanks for your emails throughout this most perfect of days, both of them. Bye.