The Apprentice: the final eight

Only half our would-be captains of the digital signage industry fight on after seven gruelling weeks of the Apprentice. And tonight, we'll be down to a mere seven select individuals, determined to give 190% in ever-more ludicrous tasks. At some point, presumably, some wheat will emerge triumphant from the giant chaff-mountain . But in the meantime, let's look at the vital lessons that we mere mortals can glean from those Lord Sugar has already fired, and those that have yet to be given the old heave-ho. Let's start with the losers' mistakes. Dan was first out, thanks to a the fatal combination of being a bad manager and slouching in the boardroom. Week two saw the departure of Joy, who broke the first commandment of reality TV – be as incompetent as you like, just don't be dull . She was followed by Shibby, who failed to deliver on so much more than just 984 bread rolls , while week four saw the back of bonkers Melissa for being off-the-scale deluded, followed swiftly by Paloma, who decided that being a ruthless dictator was a winning strategy . Alex committed the capital crime of being an insufferable know-it-all, and then last week Sandeesh fell into a classic Apprentice faux-pas: taking the wrong people into the board room . So the show's Steady Eddies and Cautious Carols have provided plenty of pointers for success (some of which, frankly, could have been avoided if they'd bothered to pay attention to previous contestants). But what can we learn from our survivors? What personality traits and behaviours have kept them safe from Lord Sugar's pointy finger? I feel a run-down coming on. Chris Bates Smooth-talking investment banker who managed the impossible feat of selling the overpriced dress made of recycled ties. Respect. He's also arguably the least obnoxious of the remaining boys, which was unexpected. Typical behaviour : Staying under the radar, then talking his way out of trouble (see "investment banker") Christopher Farrell Former Royal Marine commando with a licence to handle big weapons, which is reason enough not to fire him. Also he's never been in the boardroom, which tends to be a winning strategy. Typical behaviour : Selling surface cleaner via the winning combination of sex and cephalopods . Jamie Lester Survived a boardroom mauling in week four by having Melissa on his team , but he doesn't like getting his hands dirty. He is, however, quite pretty, which may have won him some (ahem) fans. Typical behaviour : Wandering about, not selling anything. But looking good doing it. Joanna Riley A proper grafter with genuine entrepreneurial spirit and real sales talent. Alas also: high volume, spiky and not a team player . Would cause chaos in the corridors of Amstrad. Typical behaviour : Being argumentative and shouty. Laura Moore The ultimate survivor . Has been on the losing team four times, but only once in the boardroom. Lord Sugar is clearly dying to fire her, so we can assume her days are numbered. Typical behaviour : Showing remarkable dexterity in dodging the pointy finger. Liz Locke Keeps her perfectly-groomed head down and gets on with it – which makes a pleasant change. Was shaping up to be teacher's pet for a while, especially after landing that amazingly huge order of glowing babygrows . Typical behaviour : Flashing a winning smile. Stella English The perfect Apprentice candidate: disciplined, hard-working, never been in the boardroom, only once on the losing team, annoyingly likeable. Typical behaviour : Polishing her head girl badge. Stuart Baggs Smug, arrogant, obnoxious, egotistical, sexist, overconfident and infinitely punchable. Possibly the most cringe-inducing Apprentice candidate ever , who survives purely by being great telly. Alas it won't help him find a job. Typical behaviour : Reining in his masculinity, yet still managing a swagger. • I'll be liveblogging episode eight from 9pm tonight, when our remaining candidates will be trying to sell savoury snacks to Germans. Sounds fun. In the meantime, who's your favourite to win?