Football transfer rumours: Fenerbahce chase Man Utd's Dimitar Berbatov?

Today's fluff spits upon the name Oliver Cromwell. It's bizarre isn't it? People getting so idiotically excited about a pointless, expensive, anachronistic and downright weird institution that should have been scrapped centuries ago? The hours and hours of rolling news, eroding the soul with the unstoppable inevitability of waves on rock. The analysts rummaging through the unknown details like rats in a tip, attempting to give meaning to something that quite simply has none. Still, the January transfer window is here to stay and there's not much we can do about it, so we might as well take a look at who is going to be making the big moves next year. Chelsea's defensive uber-crisis means they will splash either £25m on Benfica's David Luiz , £20m on Gary Cahill , £5m on Roma's Phillippe Mexès or something similar on Newcastle's Steven Taylor . Or they may simply recall Michael Mancienne from his loan spell at Wolves, blatantly the most sensible option given that both Alex and John Terry could well be back by the middle of January anyway. Fenerbahce want to spend €15m on Manchester United's Dimitar Berbatov . Though they almost certainly won't be able to. They might, though, be able to get their hands on enjoyably provocative Manchester City frontman Emmanuel Adebayor , who Roberto Mancini wants out of Eastlands. Juventus, however, seem to be at the front of the queue. Having bagged Robert Pires on a free transfer, Gérard Houllier has got the taste for French former Premier League players so far past their prime no one's keen to snap them up even with those little yellow "Reduced To Clear!!!" stickers on them. Panathinaikos striker Djibril Cissé is his next target. Sam Allardyce is tchasing Standard Liege tchargetman Mohammad Tchite . He's rated at £4m by the all-powerful Player Valuation Overlords. Liverpool are ignoring the lactic acid build-up in their legs and glancing nervously over their shoulder because they are very much winning the race for £7m-rated (c/o PVOs) Real Sociedad winger Antoine Griezmann . West Brom will have to strip to the waste, grease up and go mano-a-mano with Lazio for Freiburg defender Felix Bastians , while Celtic are readying a cheeky £800,000 offer for Nottingham Forest's out-of-contract-at-the-end-of-the-season defender Kelvin Wilson . And one-time next big thing Michael Tonge is set to join Preston on loan from Stoke, as is Danny Pugh , while Watford have given a trial to former Internazionale midfielder Rok Straus .