Confucius

Chow Yun-Fat is Confucius, his head inclined, his eyes half-closed and his mouth crimped into a beatific smile that suggests he's just thought up something truly wonderful. In fairness he probably has, being Confucius and all, although there's no need to look so smug about it. Here he comes, the noted Chinese sage, navigating all manner of court intrigue and dispensing pearls of glistening wisdom, smiling, smiling all the while. This epic biopic mounts a lavish tribute, replete with misty mountains and CGI armies. But its constant bowing and scraping set my teeth on edge. Confucius loves Confucius – endlessly and unconditionally – and flatly demands that we do too.