Cable girl: Richard Chamberlain

In these lacklustre times, there are few phrases guaranteed to quicken the blood with a rush of anticipatory pleasure any more. "Lemon meringue pie" on a menu, maybe. "The cheque's in the post" still works, even though it is nine times out of 10 a barefaced lie. But then to add to one's diminishing stock of delights, one receives a press release – from CBS Drama – that promises "a Richard Chamberlain marathon!" Trembling with happiness and without even having to provide one's own exclamation mark, one settles down on the sofa for a weekendful of Dickie C indulgence. Perhaps there will be a few episodes of Dr Kildare, the 1961 breakthrough role for the 27-year-old actor who looked like he had been sculpted by a loving god out of butter, honey and grace. There will surely be an outing for The Slipper and the Rose, the musical adaptation of Cinderella and possibly the only version in which Prince Charming is shot through more layers of gauze than his beloved. Perhaps a curve ball such as The Madwoman of Chaillot, in which he starred with Katharine Hepburn, Yul Brynner, Danny Kaye and Edith Evans. Or of course his thrillingly unheroic turn in The Towering Inferno as the engineer who not only skimps on the electrics but then boots people off the rescue zipline to save his own sorry ass? And maybe we'll get a glimpse of him in his Desperate Housewives or Will & Grace cameos? But no. We get a day of him Father de Bricassarting in The Thorn Birds (already re-shown ad nauseam by CBS over the last year or so) followed by a day of Shogun, the – admittedly legendary – 1980 mini-series in which our 17th-century hero is shipwrecked and comes under the aegis of a treacherous, shogun-seeking, boat-burning warlord with no intention of letting his magnificently blousoned charge leave his shores. It is 12 hours long. And mostly in Japanese. I see. You meant marathon purely in the sense of endurance. I think, on the whole, I'd rather have a lemon meringue pie.