Football transfer rumours: Karim Benzema to Manchester United?

Was it really only a week ago? Back then the Mill was strong, gossip oozing from every pore, speculation screaming from the giant sub-woofers of our diamond-encrusted humvee. Now we perch on a park bench, a tartan throw over our knees, spearing empty crisp packets with our moth-eaten umbrella in a desperate attempt to find some tittle tattle within. Damn you, Transfer Window! Damn you to hell! (Damn you also useless laptop computer which has just crashed for the fourth time this morning, this time wiping out a good hour's worth of work. If your mobile phone company offers you a choice of a Wii, Xbox or laptop, don't listen to your inner responsible adult. Listen to the little kid who loves to play. The Mill's inner responsible adult, despite apologising for its quite frankly appalling decision-making, is currently rolled up in a carpet awaiting its fate. Not that the Mill has a car in which to throw the inner responsible adult in, in order to transport him to a lake or, possibly, canal. The inner responsibile adult told us we didn't need one in a urban environment with excellent public transport links. He's sneaky like that.) Yes, post-window international week is certainly the Mill's bete noire. Thank goodness, then, for Arsène Wenger , whose been talking persuasively to a Japanese student. "Mr Wenger told me that Arsenal is my home and I that should learn some English and come back soon," said Ryo Miyaichi of Chukyo University. "It was difficult to choose between Arsenal and Ajax, but Arsenal wanted me the most." Chelsea target Roman Lukaku is a target for Juventus and Internazionale . "It is true he is being followed by Juve and Inter," said the Belgian striker's Mr 12.5%, looking nervously behind him at two track suited figures hiding in the bushes. "But there is no offer on the table." Manchester United, Liverpool and the aforementioned Old Lady of Turin will go mano a mano a mano for the services of Real Madrid's Karim Benzema in January. Blackburn also want to boost their attacking options, and they'll take the 'Benzema of Bermondsey' Steve Morison from Millwall if they stump up £3m. Former Watford stopper Jay DeMerit is set to join Steve McClaren's Wolfsburg on a free transfer, while Gary Cahill is now worth £17.5m after his England appearance last week triggered a clause in his Bolton contract. Everton are prepared to allow the permacrocked James Vaughan to join Sheffield United on loan, while Reading are keen to take the quiteoftencrocked Michael Kightly on a similarly temporary deal.