Ireland v South Africa - as it happened

Preamble: Morning. Ready for some cricket? Something like 95% of the world can claim some Irish heritage*, so I know there won't be too many neutrals out there. They're also the underdogs – and everyone loves an underdog – so should account for the other 5%. Not sure where South Africans fit in in that equation but let's not try and get too clever. What I'm saying is that this match matters . Certainly for South Africa it does. Three wins out of four puts them on the brink of the quarter-finals but the spectre of their 'snood' against England (and at every previous World Cup) is still hanging around. For Ireland, the improbable remains possible – even though Indian journalists have started to ask Irish players what their preparations would be like "now they've been knocked out" . From an English perspective, an Irish win would ensure that South Africa are properly focused on their final group game against Bangladesh. There are plenty of permutations for how the Group B of Death could still pan out – so get your run-rate calculator out and let's do this. *Not an actual fact The toss has been tossed and Ireland won it. Captain William Porterfield has decided to have a bowl – which seems a little brave to me. Pluck of the Irish, I suppose. South Africa-born Andre Botha misses out with illness for the men in green, while the, er, other men in green rest AB De Villiers. Ireland: Porterfield, Stirling, Joyce, Niall O'Brien, Wilson, Kevin O'Brien, Cusack, Johnston, Mooney, Dockrell, Rankin South Africa: Smith, Amla, Van Wyk, Kallis, Duminy, Du Plessis, Ingram, Peterson, Botha, Morkel, Steyn Thought for the (one-)day(er): How does it happen? You know, when you wake up first thing in the morning and the jukebox has been preloaded. Today I've had Arcade Fire's City With No Children seeping oozily through my thoughts – which isn't so bad but still seems a little perplexing. It's not like my life is an episode of Skins (though if it was I'd be the cool one. Sid was the cool one, right?) and every new scene needs a soundtrack. And they've never played DJ Otzi on Skins, as far as I'm aware. Explanations (or similar internal irritation), anyone? 8.55am: The anthems are done with. Shall we get on with the game? Yes, yes, we shall. 1st over: South Africa 3-0 (Amla 2, Smith 1) Boyd Rankin runs in for the first ball and Hashim Amla tucks it off his pads, with Gary Wilson making a sharp stop at square leg. Amla then gets one for a pull as Rankin drops short. Graeme Smith, a man searching for his touch a wee bit, leans into an offside drive for a single. It's looking a little overcast in Kolkata, which perhaps explains Porterfield's decision to bowl. Another single, a fuller ball squeezed out by Amla, is followed by Smith swishing at one outside off. He misses, as does the wicketkeeper, Niall O'Brien, with the ball wobbling a little in the air. First slip stopped it going for byes, though, and that's over. 2nd over: South Africa 7-0 (Amla 5, Smith 1) My colleague Matthew Hancock is already whistling Lady Gaga at his desk. He doesn't know where it came from. It's like a particularly prosaic episode of the X-Files ... Trent Johnston, who had been suffering with a side strain, is fit enough to open the bowling at the other end. Amla plays a lovely clip through midwicket for two. Eden Gardens is the venue today, having not been ready for India-England. Doesn't look too full yet. 3rd over: South Africa 12-0 (Amla 7, Smith 3) Excellent cricket all round! Amla swivelled on his toes like Natalie Portman in a hot funk and whipped a hook shot towards midwicket ... where Wilson, I think, pulls off a tremendous diving stop. The throw from a second Irish fielder, collecting the ball after Wilson's block, is a direct hit – but Amla and Smith had made it through for one. It's mainly singles and the odd wide so far. 4th over: South Africa 14-0 (Amla 8, Smith 4) Johnston – a cricketer just begging to be described as "honest" – keeps a very good line to Smith, who eventually gets him away for one. Amla then dashes through for a quickie of his own. "David Guetta has gatecrashed my head this morning. He is now engaged in the aural equivalent of a dirty protest," says Dan Smith. "I diagnose self-loathing." Ech, that's filthy. Proof there are no gods, I think. Apart from evil ones. 4th over: South Africa 24-0 (Amla 18, Smith 4) After the polite early exchanges, Amla decides to get downright rude with a couple of crashing boundaries. The first is drilled through point before he rocked back and boomed a pull high over midwicket for six! And then ... WICKET! Amla 18 c Dockrell b Rankin (5th over: South Africa 24-1) That's a brilliant diving catch at third man to dismiss Amla, who was threatening to get a serious groove on. Rankin again gave the batsman room to flash and Amla got a thickish edge on the delivery that fairly flew towards the boundary. Five yards further and it would have gone for another maximum but instead Dockrell got himself underneath the ball as it dipped and pouched it with the minimum of fuss. 6th over: South Africa 28-1 (Smith 4, Van Wyk 4) Morne van Wyk is in. I'm interested to see this chap bat – can he hold a pocket flashlight to Mark Boucher? A four crunched through the offside suggests maybe. "Definite proof of the no gods theory," proffers Karen Stewart. "Except evil ones. As this travesty has been in my head all morning. I'm happy to spread the pain around." Jehoshaphat, that's bad. I had to close the tab nanoseconds after clicking in ... Meanwhile, Kevin O'Brien has just dropped the World Cup Van Wyk. It was hit quite hard to short cover but O'Brien didn't have to move far and really should have held the chance. 7th over: South Africa 32-1 (Smith 6, Van Wyk 6) Good over from Rankin. He's only bowled two or three bad ball so far – though Amla did cash in on those rare opportunities. Here's Keith Flett, organiser of the Beard Liberation Front, with welcome news for England fans ... "CRICKET WORLD CUP BEARD INDEX UPDATE GIVES ENGLAND HOPE The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has updated its Cricket World Cup Beard Index to chart the influence of hirsute influence on the tournament has said that England's Matt Prior has still failed to make the latest Index after disappointing beard deployment during games but Shahzad has made a first appearance. The Index which runs from 0 for no influence to 10 for maximum influence takes into account the visual impact of the beard, the style of its deployment in World Cup games and the actual playing performances of hirsute players. World Cup Beard Index 14th March* Afridi [Pakistan] 5.0 Shahzad [England] 5.0 Benn [West Indies] 5.3 Kallis [SA] 5.5 Khan [India] 5.8 Singh [India] 6.5 Krejza [Aus] 6.1 Vettori [New Zealand] 6.2 Mooney [Ireland] 7.5 Amla [SA]8.1 *Beard impact in the games played on 14 March is yet to be processed" 8th over: South Africa 41-1 (Smith 6, Van Wyk 15) Well, I'm learning that Van Wyk can certainly slug. He takes four off of Johnston with a looping, aerial drive that drops a few yards short of long-on before bouncing to the rope. It was a little miscued, to be honest, but went plenty far nonetheless. He then opens his body and drives high over the cover area for four more. Very assertive so far, the wicketkeeper batsman. 9th over: South Africa 50-1 (Smith 6, Van Wyk 24) Van Wyk is at the centre of all the action at the moment. He slaps two fours through the offside, easy as you like, before being dropped by Paul Stirling at first slip! It was a straightforward edge, which flew to Stirling at chest height – and that's just where it hit him, his hands grasping at thin air. That's Van Wyk's second let-off and it could be costly for Ireland. "I think you should count yourself lucky to have Arcade Fire humming round your head," counsels James Townrow. "Ever since I heard it on Sunday, I've had Country Death Song by Violent Femmes on my brain. And not even the whole song, just the bit that goes 'take your lovely daughter and throw her in a well'. It's not helping my mood much." WICKET! Smith 7 run out (10th over: South Africa 52-2) Van Wyk turns down a single and Smith is hung out to dry! He scrambled to get back but a direct hit from Mooney sends him on his way. "Er... the score still says SA 41-1 whilst you 'report' that Amla was out in the 5th over," says Kenneth Day (I think you mean 41-0, Kenneth, but if you're going to point out my mistakes, I'll do likewise). Do I have to do everything myself? Er, yes, yes I do. 10th over: South Africa 52-2 (Van Wyk 24, Kallis 0) So Jacques Kallis comes to the crease. Van Wyk is still on strike but he seems a little cowed by having sold his captain well short moments before and South Africa pick up just two runs from Johnston's fifth over (5-0-21-0). 11th over: South Africa 58-2 (Van Wyk 26, Kallis 5) Ireland take the bowling powerplay. Kallis takes four from Rankin, who labours on. "I think you should be grateful to have a quality tune in your head," says former-Guardian-stalwart-turned-evil-banker Robin Lynch. "I invariably wake up with either 70s tunes like Ring My Bell or, bizarrely, Dean Martin-era Christmas Tunes. All year round." 12th over: South Africa 72-2 (Van Wyk 40, Kallis 5) Van Wyk creams Johnston over deep midwicket for six! Minimal foot movement there, just a heavy-duty shovel, but it does the trick. He'd already pulled the bowler for four and then he completes a very good over for fans of the huge backlift with a slice down to third man for another boundary. He's racing towards a half-century, though he could already have been out twice. 13th over: South Africa 76-2 (Van Wyk 40, Kallis 9) Boyd Rankin is given a blow, so John Mooney comes on. Looks like a little mizzle is in the air at Eden Gardens. Kallis lances a four through the covers. If the big man takes his helmet off at any point I'll be sure to give you an update on Kallis's new thatch. A good stop by Porterfield at point prevents a possible boundary. Been a bit of a curate's egg, Ireland's fielding this morning, with plenty of athleticism and a well-taken run out but also two dropped dollies. 14th over: South Africa 81-2 (Van Wyk 41, Kallis 13) George Dockrell comes on for a bit of left-arm tweak. Kallis hammers a wide one through point to keep South Africa's totaliser mounting. "How come the fall of the wickets are not described in your venerable tome?" asks Phil Dobbin, not unreasonably. Ah, well, I believe the autorefresh, like all of us, is lacking in some parts, and currently is not updating entries once they're published. Hit F5 and you'll get the full Cardus treatment bare minimum. 15th over: South Africa 83-2 (Van Wyk 42, Kallis 14) Ach, burnt tongue. Must remember to balance my need for coffee with a desire to keep my tastebuds. The rain is definitely coming down at bit in Kolkata but play continues. Mooney doesn't given Van Wyk any room to swing those punishing forearms and there are just a couple of singles off the over. WICKET! Van Wyk 42 b Dockrell (16th over: South Africa 84-3) That's the downside of having a massive backlift: if the spinner tosses it up a bit and the ball keeps low, you lose your off-peg. Van Wyk had just got a little frustrated, as Ireland tried to lure him forward, and Dockrell flighted one that straightened a touch and went on to bowl South Africa's No3 as he essayed a cut. Good bowling from the young Irishman. 16th over: South Africa 85-3 (Kallis 15, Duminy 1) JP Duminy is in and his swipes at his first delivery, sending the ball skidding along the greasy surface towards mid-on where another excellent diving stop keeps the damage to just a single. 17th over: South Africa 87-3 (Kallis 16, Duminy 2) Paul Stirling is brought on by Porterfield and Duminy watchfully lets him first ball through. Stirling then twice lures Kallis into the corridor, with the ball popping off the South African's front pad both times. Strangled shouts for lbw but there was almost as good a chance of him getting an edge on one of those. "No surprise Amla's beard is top of the list, styled as it is on the National Beard of Leprechia ," says Patrick Murray. 18th over: South Africa 89-3 (Kallis 17, Duminy 3) Dockrell keeps it tight. That is all. 19th over: South Africa 92-3 (Kallis 17, Duminy 6) Stirling keeps it tight. That is all. There's a nice balance to proceedings at the moment but you feel Ireland won't want to chase much more than 250 (the fact they hold the record for a World Cup run chase notwithstanding). "Knowing Hancock, I would say that not only did he not know where it came from, he didn't even know what it is," says Emma John. "I will give him £5 right now if he can actually name a Lady Gaga song." He should know what it is, as I told him the other day. 20th over: South Africa 94-3 (Kallis 18, Duminy 7) Duminy and Kallis exchange singles. Dockrell has got one for 11 from his four overs and that is some very tidy bowling. WICKET! Kallis 19 run out (21st over: South Africa 95-4) Another tip-top piece of fielding does for the bear! Duminy pushed one towards cover and it was an excellent pick-up and throw from Porterfield. Kallis could be accused of ambling a bit and O'Brien whipped off the bails just before the bat broke the line of the crease. That's his 17th run out in one-day cricket, according to Nasser Hussain. 21st over: South Africa 97-4 (Duminy 8, Du Plessis 1) Faf du Plessis is in and gets off the mark first ball. Great name, Faf, though it sounds a bit like a word for ladyparts. 22nd over: South Africa 100-4 (Duminy 10, Du Plessis 2) The South African hundred is up but Morne van Wyk aside the batsman have had trouble getting in on this strip. "Wasn't sure if whistling Alejandro in the workplace made me hip or not," says Matthew Hancock. "Probably not." Emma John, looks like you're buying the man his lunch. 23rd over: South Africa 103-4 (Duminy 12, Du Plessis 3) The spinners Dockrell and Stirling are squeezing the life out of South Africa. Just 27 runs have come from the nine overs that they've been on. Time for the Proteas middle order to prove its chops. 24th over: South Africa 108-4 (Duminy 14, Du Plessis 6) You're all dancing to the disco tunes inside your heads at the moment, I'm assuming? Al's lonely. Ones and twos from Dockrell, who is bowling like a beaut. 25th over: South Africa 113-4 (Duminy 16, Du Plessis 9) At the halfway point of the innings South Africa are looking a little peaky. Stirling beats Du Plessis outside off with one that just gripped the surface a little. Here's Eoin O'Malley: "Faf (or is it faff?) is a verb – to faf around, ie. to waste time, to behave aimlessly." I'm sure Ireland won't mind if Du Plessis faffs around out there for a good few overs. He's going all right at the moment, though. 26th over: South Africa 115-4 (Duminy 16, Du Plessis 10) Mooney replaces Dockrell and immediately beats Duminy outside his off-stump. Duminy then inside-edges one on to his pads, leaving Mooney with his hands clasped to his shaved head. There's a terrific roar from the crowd at the end of the over, which I'm assuming wasn't in response to that execrable ICC jingle they constantly play over the tannoy. WICKET! Du Plessis 11 c Johnston b Stirling (27th over: South Africa 117-5) Gottim! Du Plessis pushes a little too hard at one that Stirling had floated up outside off and got a thickish edge which shot low to Johnston at first slip. He took a very sharp catch and South Africa are wobbling like a teenager whose had a couple of WKDs. 27th over: South Africa 119-5 (Duminy 16, Ingram 1) Colin Ingram is the next man in. And Ireland now think they've got Duminy! It was a sharp stumping attempt from Niall O'Brien but Duminy managed to keep his balance and his back foot in contact with the ground. 28th over: South Africa 125-5 (Duminy 18, Ingram 5) Ingram drills Mooney through cover for four, a welcome boundary for the Saffers. He could be very dangerous if he gets in – he's already got two one-day hundreds from just 10 innings. Peter Davies has details on the ICC's Orwellian attempts to make the crowd enjoy themselves (or at least appear like they are). "According to TMS, that odd roar from the crowd in over 26 was caused by the cheerometer, or whatever it's called. They seem to be trying to whip up excitement by getting the crowd to shriek like idiots to make a machine happy." To be honest, I cheer like a loon every time the coffee machine gets my order right. 29th over: South Africa 129-5 (Duminy 20, Ingram 7) South Africa are yet to have a partnership of more than 32 today, which is testament to Ireland sticking to their task. "Every time I see Hashim Amla's fantastic beard I always think of Woody Allen's character Fielding Mellish in the film Bananas ." That is a beard to make a man smile, Ian Burch. And they say Allen isn't funny any more. 30th over: South Africa 133-5 (Duminy 23, Ingram 8) Ingram's nickname is Bozie , I notice. Anyone know why? Certainly beats Ingrammy, I suppose. Dockrell comes back on and remains tighter than my brother a duck's whatsit. A question, from Shane Murphy: "Is that Leinster rugby's promising centre Eoin O'Malley? I have it on good authority that he hit the first delivery of the day for 6 in the U-14 Leinster Schools Cricket Cup Final. The cheeky sod." 31st over: South Africa 136-5 (Duminy 25, Ingram 9) Stirling (8-0-27-1) continues and South Africa fiddle three singles off him. Here's Richard Hudson with tales of his rollicking childhood vacations ... "When I was a child, Faf was a family euphemism for flatulence – we used to have a jolly old time on holiday in Cornwall as a lot of cars down there had FAF in the number plate." Does FAF mean something in Cornish? Why would it be more common down there than anywhere else?? 32nd over: South Africa 143-5 (Duminy 27, Ingram 14) Ingram gets down on one knee and plays a cracking sweep over midwicket for four. Duminy is still to hit a boundary but South Africa just need him to stick around for now. This pair have done a decent little bit of rebuilding so far. 33rd over: South Africa 154-5 (Duminy 32, Ingram 20) Stirling finally takes some punishment in the ninth over of a hitherto very tidy spell. Duminy gets quickly into position to reverse sweep four – his first from his 47th ball faced – past the diving man in the gully and then Ingram lasers four more out towards third man. The batsman are both left-handers and Stirling just couldn't get his line right in that over. 34th over: South Africa 158-5 (Duminy 34, Ingram 21) Alex Cusack is chucked the ball and we're treated to an over of binary. This is now the best partnership of the South Africa innings. And now, thanks to Michael Gorman, the OBO readership is treated to its first, in all likelihood only, opportunity for learning of the day. "In the old days, all Cornish licence plates ended on AF. You would see OAFs and RAFs in the country lanes." And FAFs, it would seem. I can see why Richard Hudson had such fun on his holidays now. 35th over: South Africa 162-5 (Duminy 37, Ingram 22) The ball is changed for a re-conditioned one (new engine, lick of paint) and Boyd Rankin comes back on. He pins back Duminy with a short one that runs away for a single and then beats an attempted cut from Ingram with another quick delivery. From the fifth ball of the over, Ireland decide to review an lbw decision that was declined against Duminy. That was clutching at straws, as it pitched well outside leg and is therefore turned down . Duminy then bottom edges another short ball down past his stumps. Lively stuff from Rankin. 36th over: South Africa 172-5 (Duminy 38, Ingram 31) Cusack serves one up short and wide outside off for Ingram to blap for four. The fifty partnership comes up with an single and Ireland are just beginning to lose control of proceedings. Another cut through point moves Ingram to 31 at almost a run a ball. "My guess is that faff is related to naff, as in Princess Anne's famous, 'Naff off you lot!' to the papparazzi," suggests Kevin Mannerings. "Faff would be replacing fart. Faffing about being, well you know. PS. another couple of wickets pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaase :-)." That smiley face is almost certain to get you a wicket, Kevin. I can almost guarantee it. 37th over: South Africa 183-5 (Duminy 40, Ingram 40) South Africa treat Kevin Mannerings wicket request with absolute disdain. The authority of the OBO is once again diminshed. Duminy gets one with a slice to third man and that brings the dangerman Ingram on strike. He slashes at Rankin and gets four and then plays a more genuine stroke, roundhousing a bouncer to the square-leg fence. These two have now scored 66 from 69 balls and the swingometer has gone from green/dark blue to green/yellow, which is further than it sounds. 38th over: South Africa 192-5 (Duminy 45, Ingram 44) Johnston replaces Cusack, whose two overs cost 14. Ireland need a wicket but they'd take dot balls right now ... sadly Duminy and Ingram aren't in a giving mood. Nine from the over, all run. I fear there could be some real fireworks sooner or later and Ireland won't be able to sit back and enjoy the pretty colours. 39th over: South Africa 197-5 (Duminy 48, Ingram 46) Dockrell (9-0-35-1) has bowled with real precision but he only has one over left now. "Shane Murphy, I am NOT that Eoin O'Malley," says the other Eoin O'Malley. "I was a useful centre myself in my day (Bohemians U-12s c. 1984) but would never have reduced myself to playing professional sport for a crowd of nancy boys such as Leinster. Up Munster!" Easy with the tribalism, lads. What kind of forum do you think this is? WICKET! Ingram 46 b Johnston (40th over: South Africa 204-6) Signs of variable bounce as Johnston angles one in to Ingram and it stays low, clipping his pads before clattering into the timbers. He goes for a snappy 46 from 43 balls but that innings looks to have staved off the c-word. More of which you can learn about with the always-amusing Chuck Fleetwood-Smiths . 40th over: South Africa 204-6 (Duminy 55, Botha 0) Duminy had moved to fifty with a four earlier in the over and he is joined at the crease by Johan Botha. That partnership might have done the damage to Ireland's faint hopes of qualifying for the next stage, though. 41st over: South Africa 206-6 (Duminy 56, Botha 1) Another fine over from Dockrell and the 18-year-old finishes with one for 37 from his allocation. 42nd over: South Africa 210-6 (Duminy 58, Botha 3) Pommy Mbangwa in the Sky box points out how Trent Johnston did for Ingram with a cross-seam delivery. Smart bit of bowling, that. Duminy has put together a very composed innings but he lost his partner at just the wrong time. If Ireland can keep South Africa to 250 – for which they'll probably need to bowl them out – it could be interesting. Mooney concedes only singles. 43rd over: South Africa 217-6 (Duminy 60, Botha 8) Botha reverse sweeps Stirling for four. "Well this is getting interesting isn't it?" cheers Guy Hornsby. "I popped out for a meeting with South Africa 50-1 expecting to come back to 200-3 and now they're six down. Fantastic. I suppose an Irish victory would do us no harm as even if they beat South Africa and Netherlands we'd still need to beat Windies. What a topsy-turvy World Cup this is. It's so far removed from the drudgery of the last two that it's almost like they shot those two in black and white. This is bound to mean a hugely one-sided series of knockout games. There, I said it." An Irish victory would put the onus on South Africa to beat Bangladesh, which England may need. So start polishing your four-leaf clovers. 44th over: South Africa 227-6 (Duminy 66, Botha 12) South Africa still have to take their batting powerplay, and we've seen the carnage that can often be the result. Mooney has been quietly economical but another decent over is spoiled at the last by a mistimed pull from Duminy that flew high into the early-evening sky, over the wicketkeeper and all the way down for four. 45th over: South Africa 231-6 (Duminy 68, Botha 14) Rankin beats Botha with a short ball outside off. The batsman tried to angle it away but got nothing on it. Rankin has bowled better than his figures suggest today. Here's Daniel Milner with a slap upside the head for the ICC: "Thank God there won't be any associate sides at the next World Cup, eh? Obviously, they're not up to the standard of full international sides, and don't provide any interest for the neutrals! Still, at least England won't lose to them next time!" I imagine it will still be quite possible for England to suffer embarrassment, Daniel, even in the absence of associate nations. 46th over: South Africa 240-6 (Duminy 75, Botha 16) The batting powerplay is signalled and Trent Johnston comes into the attack. After three very tight deliveries, with just two singles scored, the fourth sees a run-out attempt disappear all the way for four overthrows! Desperate stuff. South Africa's marshmallow syndrome hasn't been in evidence today. The middle- and lower-order have managed to dig them out of a right hole. 47th over: South Africa 243-6 (Duminy 77, Botha 17) Great stuff from Rankin, just three conceded and that glosses his numbers of 10-0-59-1 slightly. No big hitting from the Saffers so far in the powerplay but they've not lost any wickets either and they're inching themselves up towards a nicely competitive target. 48th over: South Africa 250-6 (Duminy 83, Botha 18) Mooney replaces Rankin and drops short, which he doesn't have the pace to do. Duminy carves the ball away for four to deep square-leg. I've got the jitters, mainly from too much coffee, I think. There's certainly not much fizz in proceedings at the minute, with South Africa steadily, efficiently stepping on the throat of their opponents. "Bloody hell how much like Peter Schmeichel does Kevin O'Brien look in that photo?" exclaims Elliott Wilson. It's a little known fact but the big Dane is also an excellent middle-order biffer with a bit of medium pace in his locker too. 49th over: South Africa 267-6 (Duminy 98, Botha 19) Duminy releases the safety catch which has been tightly in place for most of his innings, and gives Johnston a bit of a mullering. He clumps a four through the legside off the first ball of the over before depositing a giant six to the same part of the ground. A third boundary comes via a wild jag at the ball, a thick edge flying over the men in the circle and running all the way, although not in the direction Duminy meant it to go. This has been very well paced and he's got one over left to reach his ton. WICKET! Duminy 99 c Kevin O'Brien b Mooney (50th over: South Africa 269-7) Maybe that's why he wasn't slogging before! Credit to Duminy, though, he wasn't going to just nurdle a single to get his hundred. He took on Mooney and went for a legside heave like the one that got him six in the previous over but this time it flies almost completely vertical, with Kevin O'Brien taking an excellent diving catch inside the square. 50th over: South Africa 272-7 (Botha 21, Peterson 0) Botha scrambles a couple and then is unable to connect with the final ball of Mooney's final over. O'Brien had a go at running Botha out anyway and the ball deflects away, allowing the batsmen to run a bye, which was a bit unnecessary. Still, it's a respectable total, probably from both sides' point of view. If Stirling, Joyce and O'Brien can get amongst them, they might make a fist of this. However, they will have to contend with Dale Steyn. Hmmmm, that's probably the trump right there. Is 272 going to be enough, Colin Ingram is asked. "Most definitely," he says. INNINGS BREAK I'm going to get some lunch , and probably two or three espressos. After a while you just stop feeling the effects, don't yodfsvz90u-hvxdf0-###!!#? I plugged it earlier but now the man himself has been in touch. Here's the latest offering from the Chuck Fleetwood-Smiths , which Sam Collins describes thus: "It's got Kamran Akmal's wicketkeeping guide, buses being stoned and Brett Lee and Jason Krejza being very earnest while covering James Blunt." And here's Ian Burch: "Never mind that Kevin O'Brien looks like Peter Schmeichel, why has he got an enormous magic wand in his hand?" With that question hanging, I'll away. Barney Ronay is going to do the start of the Ireland innings, so send your lookalikes to [email protected] . 1.05pm: Hello and welcome back for the South African innings with me, Barney ronay. I'm here for a good time, rather than long time: just passing through, offering a little relief for Alan during the Powerplay period. I consider this a mercy mission for a man whose desk is still littered with schooners of high-caffeine beverage. So don't mind me. I'm the Kieron Pollard of the OBO today. A skittish distraction from the main show, always on the verge of disappearing again, but hopefully fun, in a simple kind of way, while it lasts. It's almost time for the Irish chase. Can Stirling finally do something in this tournament and justify the hype around his rather puppyish presence? Will Steyn and Morkel feast on the top order? Very much looking forward to seeing Steyn with the new ball. That outswinger. He is a master. Richard O'Toole writes:"Ian Burch's comment on KOB's magic wand made me laugh. I played with Kevin in Railway Union and as a youngster he was well in to his magic. It was all to take a tragic turn for the worst one Saturday afternoon and with a LBW one white dove, secreted in his pads, came a cropper. K had been reaching 50 the previous couple of matches and was going to grandstand his next ton!" Amazing scenes. Steyn will open the bowling from the Pavilion End. He looks well up for it. Porterfield to face. 1st over: Ireland 6-0 (Porterfield 6, Stirling 0) Steyn's first ball hits the left-handed Porterfield on the thigh pad, just about dipping in a little bit. His third ball swings in a bit and is driven to mid-off. His fourth is short and it's hooked, or rather pulled brilliantly by Porterfield, it flies very flat and hard and pretty much right through Morkel at deep fine leg. Hit very hard but a terrible piece of fielding and that's Ireland's first four. Next ball is also short and Morkel giraffes down again and keeps it to two. He really is a comedy of arms and legs in the field. Good start by Ireland. This is definitely on. 2nd over: Ireland 9-0 (Joyce 0, Stirling 1) Morkel then kicks off with a wide. He has been quite low key so far in this World Cup. Just the three wickets so far for a man who really doesn't seem to have got the hang yet of bowling in India. Stirling gets off the mark with a single, taken, bizarrely, so second slip where Kallis didn't seem to be watching.. Paddy McQueen murmurs, perhaps just thinking aloud, until suddenly it's too late, "Barney, the description of yourself is eerily similar to my love life." Thanks, Paddy. Thanks for that. And then it's a WICKET! Porterfield c Smith b Morkel 6 (Ireland 8-1) Fourth wicket of the WC for Morne and a fine jagging delivery from the big man. 3rd over: Ireland 14-1 (Joyce 1, Stirling 6) Joyce of Sussex, Ireland, England and Ireland is the new man and a fine player he is too. And.. oh my. Morkel has dropped a catch now . It's a skied swipe from Stirling that flies in the air to third man and simply goes right through Morkel again as he approaches the ball like a man hurling himself desperately to his knees in contrition for fielding crimes. The ball bobbles over the rope with Morkel prostrate on the turf. Smith almost, almost laughs. Steyn, bowling at 132kph, responds with a lovely outswinger that beats Stirling's poke. 4th over: Ireland 24-2 (Joyce 6, N O'Brien 1) Stirling again unveils the off side swipe, this time flaying the ball over point for another four. The very next ball it's a WICKET! Stirling c Kallis b Morkel 10 (Ireland 19-2) as Stirling prods at a ball outside his off stump and edges a simple catch to Kallis. The pace and bounce did for him there, but that was simply a poor shot. Ireland really need to settle down and start a partnership or Morkel and Steyn are going to run through them. Joyce kicks off the recovery with a lovely cut for four in front of point. 5th over: Ireland 25-2 (Joyce 6, N O'Brien 2) Steyn is bowling at about 83mph, close to the stumps, controlled skiddy swing. It's a nice contrast with the gallumphing jagger-abouter Morkel at the other end. He beats Joyce's swipe-drive with an away-cutter and follows it up with a late in-ducker. Gary Naylor asks "If Ireland win this and qualify for the last eight and England don't, will they play instead of England at the next World Cup, or do they have to win Eurovision again first? Or something." 6th over: Ireland 32-2 (Joyce 6, N O'Brien 9) Morkel comes round the wicket to the left-handed Joyce and draws a one-handed slightly loose drive first ball. He is the strangest, gangly, oddly limber and supple big man fast bowler. His rear leg waggles out eccentrically as he delivers the ball but his action is brilliantly high. And look: O'Brien has just hit him for six over mid-on ! what a shot that is. It's pitched up and Niall just dumps it over the fence with a short-arm jab. Mike Moloney writes: "A couple of questions: Is Kev O'Brien going to be England's hero and indulge in another spinach fuelled swat at the SA attack? Or is he is going to do the players a favour and send them home for a well earned rest? Or is the pressure now on Martin Johnson and nobody's too bothered about the CWC?" You can have the rugby. I want more of England at the World Cup. 7th over: Ireland 32-2 (Joyce 6, N O'Brien 9) Steyn continues and it's all a bit more orderly down his end as O'Brien defends the first three balls with a straight bat and a respectful dip of the head. Then he swipes wildly and one-handedly at the next one and almost lets go of his bat as he misses it. Ireland seem to be in a hurry to get somewhere tonight. It's a maiden over. Not a bad start for Ireland though chasing 273. They are in this. 8th over: Ireland 33-2 (Joyce 6, N O'Brien 9) Morkel's first ball hits Joyce on the pad. Big appeal but it's a bit high and they don't review it. Archi Campbell asks: "Did Nasser Hussain really just describe AB de Villiers as 'one of the finds of the tournament'? This is the same AB de Villiers who's played over 100 ODIs, 66 tests and has an average of over 45 in both forms of the game? Yeah Nasser, great find. I'd like to announce I've just discovered a young fellow called Tendulkar. I think he might go a long way." I don't think he can have done. AB has, after all, been playing international cricket for seven years and Nasser has commented on (I reckon) three series he's played in. Morkel then hits Joyce on the forearm with a nasty lifter. That hurt. Ugh. It's all gone quite quiet for the last two overs. And Kallis is coming on. 9th over: Ireland 36-3 (Joyce 7, Wilson 1) Resplendently-rugged, tresses flapping in the light breeze, pate entirely hirsute, Kallis bobbles in and delivers his bendy away-slingers. Ireland pinch some singles. Extraordinary player, Kallis. He just keeps going on and on, playing every format, rarely injured and always in form, looking if not exactly younger then at least fluffier every time you see him. And now he's got a WICKET! O'Brien c Van Wyk b Kallis 10 (Ireland 35-3) as he slips one past O'Brien's edge and the keeper takes an easy catch. Surrey's reserve wicket keeper is the new batsman and Ireland are in some trouble. This is quality bowling and they're looking a little green out there right now. You know what I mean. 10th over: Ireland 45-3 (Joyce 11, Wilson 6) Morkel continues and Wilson leg-glances his first ball, or rather helps it round from outside leg stump, for four. That was a truly terrible delivery. He follows it up with an off-cutter that beats the forward prod and another that takes the edge for a single. Joyce then seizes on some width and drives uppishly though covers for four. He is the key man for me now, the real class act who can play sensibly against this attack for a couple of hours. And with that I'm handing back to a refreshed Alan Gardner . Goodbye. 11th over: Ireland 45-3 (Joyce 11, Wilson 6) Haway? I'm back. I've been vibrating gently in a corner for a while, but I had a bag of Mike and Ike(s) to counteract the coffee. I've managed to ditch the Arcade Fire from my internal sound system by listening to this on repeat for half an hour . Kallis gets through an uncomplicated maiden and Ireland have a bit of work to do, don't they? 12th over: Ireland 51-3 (Joyce 12, Wilson 11) Johan Botha comes on for a twirl. Given how parsimonious Dockrell and Stirling were during the Saffer dig, this could be a key spell. Wilson takes four with a wristy flick over the midwicket region, bisecting the fielders on the boundary ... WICKET! Joyce lbw Botha (12th over: Ireland 51-4) Joyce misses an attempted sweep and although he'd got a decent stride in umpire Dharmesena gives him out. It looked like it might have hit him outside off and Joyce immediately called for the review but it was an excellent decision by Dharmesena – the ball would have gone on to middle and leg about halfway up. Kevin O'Brien goes back to his first ball and doesn't play a stroke, the ball hitting him on the back pad ... Botha appeals but it was a good few inches outside the line. 13th over: Ireland 56-4 (Wilson 12, Kevin O'Brien 4) What is that blasted trumpeting supposed to be for? It sounds like an advert for Nando's though I'm pretty sure they're not an Official ICC CWC Sponsor. There's a bit of a flutter out in the middle as a bird lands on the wicket just as Kallis comes in to bowl, with both the bowler and O'Brien pulling away. The bird flaps off, unconcerned ... Kallis then hits O'Brien on the back with a bouncer that doesn't get up and while the Irishman rolls in agony, Morne van Wyk tries to run him out. That would have been insult to etc, etc. O'Brien had a bit of his bat down, though, and pulls Kallis meatily away for four next ball. 14th over: Ireland 62-4 (Wilson 18, Kevin O'Brien 4) Robin Peterson comes on, strangely replacing Botha after just one over ... and his second ball is crunched for SIX! It was a short delivery and Wilson just rocked back and punched it over long-on. Peterson then has an lbw shout against Wilson but there was a bit of inside-edge involved. Just the one scoring stroke off the over. 15th over: Ireland 67-4 (Wilson 19, Kevin O'Brien 8) Peter Schmeichel Kevin O'Brien gets away with a miscued pull that lands in between the fielders at square leg. He's not going to waste any time playing himself in ... And we're at an electrolyte consuming juncture. You can do this at home, if you've a sickly, brightly coloured drink to hand. By the way, if you want to discuss how much O'Brien looks like the former Manchester United goalie, then the World Cup Daily blog is the place for you. 16th over: Ireland 68-4 (Wilson 19, Kevin O'Brien 9) There's not been any great turn for Peterson – or any of the slow bowlers, really – but the pitch is slow and the batsman have to take risks to generate their own power. "Great link to the mind-clearing music, thanks!" chirps Paul Taylor. You're welcome, I reply. "Its sound reminds me of Jesus and Mary Chain's closing song from the film Lost In Translation . What an inspired choice to close out such a gentle and appealing work." I believe Bill Murray is whispering "don't worry, we'll always have Bengaluru" in Scarlett Johansson's ear in that final scene. 17th over: Ireland 74-4 (Wilson 23, Kevin O'Brien 9) Botha returns at the other end and Wilson gets four with an outside edge that squirts past the wicketkeeper. Bumble mumbles something about Botha's doosra (which he's banned from using). Looked like it just wobbled out of his hand to me ... 18th over: Ireland 77-4 (Wilson 24, Kevin O'Brien 11) Peterson is rapidly through his third over of gentle left-armers as Ireland seek a solid platform from which to launch an assault later in the innings. Either that or get well behind the run rate and lose all their wickets really quickly once the pressure has built. 19th over: Ireland 81-4 (Wilson 26, Kevin O'Brien 13) Dash, dash, dash, dot, dash dot. What does that spell? Four runs. 20th over: Ireland 85-4 (Wilson 30, Kevin O'Brien 13) Wilson cuts four off Peterson but otherwise struggles to get the ball off the square. The asking rate ticks up towards six-and-a-half. "Excuse my ignorance, but why is Bothra banned from using his doosra?" If we all had to apologise for that, Paddy McQueen, this OBO wouldn't get very far. Botha's arm is deemed to go beyond the allowed degree of flexion when he bowls it . 21st over: Ireland 88-4 (Wilson 31, Kevin O'Brien 15) Signs that the giant inside O'Brien might be awakening, as first he gets down to unfurl his slog-sweep and then he chips one off his legs – although both times he finds the fielder and only gets a single. Encouraging, though. Wilson almost got himself run-out in between but the throw to the non-striker's end missed. WICKET! O'Brien 19 c Amla b Peterson (22nd over: Ireland 92-5) After driving a four through the cover region, to confirm my suspicion that he'd got the battle fever on, O'Brien went for a big booming whack across the line and only succeeded in holing out to Amla at long-off. WICKET! Wilson lbw Peterson (22nd over: Ireland 92-6) It's all going big-bottomed-woman shaped for Ireland. Wilson misses one that doesn't turn and it raps him right in front. There's a wee bit of discussion about height but Hawkeye says it's going on to hit leg so Wilson's review is wasted and South Africa can now smell the quarter-finals. 22nd over: Ireland 93-6 (Cusack 0, Mooney 1) And it should be three in the over! Mooney gets a textbook edge (just how they tell you to do it in the manuals) but Kallis fluffs the catch and the batsman get a run. "Stick to hurling, lads," says Paul Doyle, from along the desk. 23rd over: Ireland 95-6 (Cusack 1, Mooney 2) Just a couple run from Botha's over and Ireland need to decide: do they want this for be quick and painless (for me) or excruciatingly drawn-out (for me). "I have a conundrum that hopefully one of your 'knowledgeable' OBO readers can help with," says a hopeful Alistair Moffat. "It's all square going into the last ball of the game - on the last ball, the batsman absolutely skies the ball and they both make it through for a single, however, the ball is then caught. What happens - is it a run as they crossed the crease before the catch or does play continue until the ball is dead, ie. caught in this case?" I think I help you without too much bother, Alistair – it's out. REVIEW! Cusack 1 lbw Peterson (24th over: Ireland 95-6) After an age of trying to work out whether the ball hit the bat or the pad first (it was pad) and then looking at the relevant Hawkeye angles, the appeal is turned down. Just enough doubt about height, apparently, though Botham's chuntering on about how it was hitting the top of off. 24th over: Ireland 95-6 (Cusack 6, Mooney 2) Cusack flings the bat at a wide one and the ball cartwheels off the edge and goes for four. "What is the banned doosra doing while it is out of action? Is there a compound where it is held until the World Cup is over?" Ian Copestake just can't help himself. The man's in desperate need of a few meaningful pursuits to fill his life a joke machine. 25th over: Ireland 106-6 (Cusack 7, Mooney 7) Mooney bungs a four through the legside. Looks like Ireland are going to go down fighting. "Re. Mr Moffat's scenario, how about stumped off a wide?" devil's advocates Gary Naylor. Well, that would be a victory, surely, even though the batsman would be out. A zero-wicket win? WICKET! Cusack 7 c Smith b Peterson (26th over: Ireland 107-7) A third wicket for Peterson arrives via a wild heave across the line from Cusack, the ball looping off the edge and flying into the big, bucket-like hands of Graeme Smith. 26th over: Ireland 107-7 (Mooney 8, Johnston 0) "Don't be so dismissive of young Alistair, Alan," big brothers Eamonn Maloney. "He's asking because if, for example you're run out attempting, say, a third run, the two you've already completed do count - by this logic, if you've completed a run prior to being caught, it really should count, don't you think? It doesn't, but should it?" I'll simply refer you to the first part of your last sentence there, Eamonn. 27th over: Ireland 111-7 (Mooney 11, Johnston 1) "Ouch! You cut me deep, Alan," protests brother Copestake. "You cut me deep." You know that's what you come here for, Ian. We're all here for the exquisite pain. Well, or just pain, in most cases. Botha thinks he's got Johnston via an edge to leg slip but the umpire decides it came of the pad. 28th over: Ireland 118-7 (Mooney 11, Johnston 8) Johnston whups a business-like six down the ground – no need to run and no attempt made. "Pretty sure that if someone is stumped off a wide the run is added to the total before the wicket falls. So in this case the batsman wouldn't be given out because the victory would already have been achieved, rendering subsequent action irrelevant. I do have a life. It's just on holiday at the moment." Oliver Bevan protests too much. 29th over: Ireland 119-7 (Mooney 11, Johnston 9) Botha's over sees just the one added to Ireland's total. This looks like being a heavy defeat but Ireland have rarely looked out of place at this tournament. Small consolation, I suppose, given that they'll not be at the next one (though surely that decision can still be rethought?) ... "Does Doyle mean Hurling as in the sport or the end-of-Friday-evening activity enjoyed in many salubrious market towns up and down these isles?" wonders Paul Billington. WICKET! Johnston 12 c Van Wyk b Duminy (30th over: Ireland 123-8) Duminy adds a wicket to the 99 he scored with the bat, with Johnston draw into playing at one that was angled across him and Morne van Wyk behind the stumps clinging on to the catch with his fingertips. 30th over: Ireland 127-8 (Mooney 12, Dockrell 4) Dockrell flicks his first ball for four down to fine leg, with Duminy's first over of right-arm tweakers costing eight runs. So, two more wickets and South Africa will be through to the knockout stages ... would they contemplate a tactical defeat against Bangladesh in order to possibly send England home? 31st over: Ireland 129-8 (Mooney 13, Dockrell 5) Kallis returns and Ireland remain in the World Cup for another four minutes. "I think Doyle must have actually meant Curling - the sport I never thought I would see something more exciting than, until I started with middle-overs cricket." Paul Taylor gives 50-over cricket a kick in the ribs. Don't you know it's fashionable again, Paul? You're soooooo 2010, dahling ... 32nd over: Ireland 132-8 (Mooney 14, Dockrell 7) Duminy continues. Ho hum. Tom Newman is here to tell us something that only idiots are privy to, apparently. "As any idiot knows, Law 21.6(b) states that: 'The side batting last will have scored enough runs to win only if its total of runs is sufficient without including any runs completed by the batsmen before the completion of a catch, or the obstruction of a catch, from which the striker could be dismissed.'" Phew, glad I didn't know that. And here's David Walsh, another knowledge seeker: "What would happen if the batsman hit the ball straight up (literally – not Jamie Redknapp literally, mind) and in the time it took to come down ran a single but it hit the stumps, so he would be out as he is bowled but would the run count? Pretty unlikely the fielding team wouldn't so much as get a hand on it but you get my point. Hopefully." He would be out bowled, I'm confident in saying. Perhaps Tom Newman has the relevant rule taking up space in his head? WICKET! Mooney 14 c Van Wyk b Kallis (33rd over: Ireland 137-9) Kallis puts one on a good length outside off and Mooney feathers an edge through to the wicketkeeper. The end is nigh. 33rd over: Ireland 137-9 (Dockrell 12, Rankin 0) Rankin is in. Is it fair to describe him a ferret? As in, goes in after a rabbit. "That's a pretty strong accusation there, regarding South Africa throwing a game. Past greats would be spinning in their graves at the suggestion. What? Oh." Ian Copestake, let me give you a hug. WICKET! Dockrell 16 c Van Wyk b Morkel (34th over: Ireland 141 all out) SOUTH AFRICA WIN BY 131 RUNS Dockrell realises the gig is up and has a swing at the returning Morkel, picking up a sweetly struck four from the first ball of the over. But the towering quick slams in a shorter one next ball and it's too good for the tailender, whose attempted fend flies through to the wicketkeeper. So, that's a comprehensive victory for the Saffers, wickets for everyone but Steyn, and runs from the middle-order. They've played like one of the favourites should and Ireland just didn't have enough magic left in the can. They play the Dutch next, in what could be a nothing-to-lose barn burner, while South Africa will take on a Bangladesh side hopeful of a win that would put them through to the last eight. It's still looking sticky for England – find out how they go against West Indies on Thursday with Rob Smyth. Cheerio