Kelly Osbourne's no-holds-barred spat with Dannii the 'devil'

"Kelly Osbourne defends her mother's honour", ran one headline this week, suggesting showbusiness has finally found its Passchendaele. Frankly, I defy you to come up with a more minuscule territorial gain than Sharon Osbourne's alleged "honour" – yet dear Kelly has ploughed the most mind-boggling level of energy into the task, and perhaps revisionist historians will one day judge her efforts something other than a monstrous waste of human endeavour. The casus belli seems to have been an extract from Dannii Minogue's new autobiography, in which the X Factor judge reveals Sharon wasn't very kind to her backstage on the show. "The best thing to happen to Dannii's career was that my mother hated her," tweeted Kelly . "She needs to shut her mouth and concentrate on motherhood! I will be the first one to admit that my mother did not play her cards right when came to dannii but trust me when I say Dannii is the devil . . . Dannii you are so lucky that I respect Simon enough to not tell the truth about what really happened. wa wa wa you poor middle aged victum [sic]." On and on it goes – but aren't they the most divine family? Let's hear much, much more from the Osbournes at their earliest convenience.